leah's secret.. hollaback

fuck me on the beach

ever been with your significant other and things got hot and heavy and you just couldnt help yourself even though you should? most of the time it's when you've gotten out the shower and have somewhere to go and you kinda just get lost. well these folks got caught up on the beach and well........ let the pics speak for themselves.










yeah. thats his itty, bitty, teeny, weeny, saltwater shriveled little short short man. notice kids on the beach playing and folks just sitting around watching. maybe this is in europe. i HOPE this is a farce. if it is. let me know. COMMENT BITCHES.

this or that

SweetLea81: aka or delta
kriss: aka of course

that's all you can see of that conversation. the rest wasn't even worthy of an R rating.

the recovery principal

okay so i have fully recovered enough to make a blog entry. i know usually have made entries everyday since i switched to blogger but that wasn't my habit before and its about to not be a habit. i just got a job and i have to go find another job. i wonder if i got jamaican in my bloodline and dont know. he he he.

so anyway i was in baltimore this weekend. why? a girl gotta get her hair did. nah, really i wanted to see my ls. i never talk to her because she is not aim friendly and i am not phone friendly. it sucks to talk to someone every day and then all of a sudden you talk to them occasionally. so anyway. thursday was interesting. i greyhounded it. yes ladies and gents for the second time ever in life i did greyhound. this wasnt an express bus either. it was one with stops and transfers and crap. okay so we leave 45 min late. that's fine but ITS 5 PM AND WE ARE LEAVING FROM THE DAMN CITY. yes ladies and gentleman you guess right: rush hour. that adds another 3o min to our late departure time. so basically we miss our rest points and rest in some random town on top of having to do pick ups. i am supposed to transfer at silver spring at 10 pm. i get to silver spring around 11:30 (the time i was supposed to be in baltimore). i can either get off and wait or drive to DC and wait until 1:30. so my buddy, kriss, who's been texting me and talking to me the whole ride down so graciously offers to drive 35 min to silver spring then drive me another 40 min to baltimore and then drive himself an hour back home. okay did i mention i manage to make the most beautiful friends? yeah when i find someone to be friends with they are GREAT!!!!! so he makes that happen but in the meantime i am sitting in the middle of a small town in a state i am not from with a bunch of mexicans speaking spanish and crap and acting all stupid waiting for rides. however it did make me more comfortable to not be by myself. they start to leave one by one and this guy from new york by way of ghana sits and talks to me. i will tell you what he was saying but in retrospect i seem to remember looking over at him from my harry potter book and caught him digging in his nose like 100% penetration and swirl movements. damn shame. i seem to have forgotten that when he sits by me and talks to me. in this conversation i forget to notice everyone has left. he kind of protected me. in my mind i was thanking God he wasn't doing me anything and was sitting with me. apparently everyone i tell this too just shakes their head at me being so trusting oh well. he tells me about how on his 24th birthday he got shot in the head and they are surprised he lived and how he has no scar and didnt have to learn how to do anything. he was on his feet in a month. he also said he graduated with a degree is biological science and will apply to law school but in the meantime he is working with his minor in computer science and network (i told kriss this and he just shook his head that i beleived this story but the way he told me was so genuine i STILL beleive he was being true).

so i make it to baltimore city and the next day i get my hair done. kinky twists YES. lol. i am so tired though because the two prior days i had to wake up at 5 am and i went to sleep late. i leave out the hair shop to wait for my ls to pick me up and i got men telling me i am so pretty and i need to brush my hair off so they can look and crap. i forgot how bold negros were down there until i went to the african american heritage festival with my ls and her friends and all i heard were guys OOGLING her butt. it was CRAZY and i thought it was bad in pittsburgh. see i told y'all alpha sigma is hot. WE ARE THE FULL PACKAGE. dont hate lol. we ended the night at tgi fridays. i got this brownie that was SO FREAKING GOOD. so gooey... sticky.... caramelly....... mmmmmmm i cant take it. i know i am trying to lose weight but hell, it was good and i wasnt spending $10 on the salad like i wanted. so i ended my night and crashed in the bed. i was so tired.

saturday. it was eh. i was supposed to meet up with frat but he didnt come through. then i went to a soror's cookout and met some folks. it was cool but i wasnt in a talking mood. so my ls and i go out searching for bars and clubs. we drive up to this bar/club thing that's a pool with beds around it. real "sex and they city" ish but by the time we got there the cover was $15 and the folks said it was really uppity. so long to my dreams of getting some white guy to buy me cosmos all night. i coulda done it. i got that appeal even with my hair in twists. so we leave that club and go drive around fell's point (right down the street). i am texting my druken alpha that picked me up thursday and he's giving me drunken answers. i am trying to find out where he is:
me: where you at
him: fell's point
he already told me he was at a BAR in fell's point. already was telling me how to get there and sowhen he texts me back he gets this response:
me: thats not what i asked you but okay.
when i meet up with him i realize how damn drunk he is. it was funny. and he got bird poop on him. i have never heard birds chirping like that at 1:30 in the morning anyway. one got him right on the shoulder of a white tee. hehehehe.i meet his lb (HEY FRAT!!!!) me and my ls leave and go home. i crash because i am still dead tired.

sunday my alpha took me to the park before driving me to the airport (hell yeah i flew back. what i look like?) did i metion he's great? well i need to mention it here. talk about going above and beyond the call of duty. he took me to a lake and we just talked on a pier. it was great!!!! i would have taken a picture and inserted it: 'here' but i forgot it. oh and shoutout to me for knowing the difference between a frog and a toad.

just for you kriss, just for you
that's an american TOAD. you smart but hey, i'm smarter. what can i say? at least you picked it up for me. hehehe. we will fight this weekend i guarantee it.

okay i am sick now and i only made this entry because i promised someone. so now i am going to go back to being miserable.

In desperate persuit of beauty

Why is the last patch of hair left to braid the longest to braid. My head hurts from braiding and ass hurts from sitting. Shoutout to my alpha for rescuing me!

piss or get off the boat

drug tests seem to be more and more common place for employment. great for employers, crappy for folks like me who barely even drink. so a little background. i am a water junkie, i joined the water cult because my skin needs it. i have to wash down my daily vitamin a&d, and b complex supplements. it also helps me maintain my weight and i also like to feel good. with that said: this morning i go for my drug test so i can work this job with great hours, benefits for part time employees and nice pay for someone like me. i get there at 6:45.... time to go. oh wait let me back up. i woke up in the morning and only had a trickle. i figured it wont be so bad since i woke up at 5 am and i drank a glass of water. however, i NEVER trickle. ever, ever, ever. so i get to quest diagnostics at 6:45. i wash my hands, pick my cup, go the in the bathroom and put the cup down there..... mind you it doesnt feel too good because i got the fresh wax (not the brazillian... i'm poor right now. next month!) so its chafing a little. so i start to relax... think of water falls. yes we've got power and then........ nothing. man i couldnt get an inch in that big cup. THAT MESS SUCKS. so i go and drink five cups of water... i am not allowed to wash my hands either. SICK. so i am sitting there, twiddling my thumb studying cylindrical and spherical coordinate conversions. great i feel a little something 30 min later. houston, i'm ready for liftoff.

back in the little bathroom. they turn off the water and put blue dye in the toilet for something. i dunno. here i go... cup in place.... TRICKLE. less than before. okay so i jump up and down trying to get the urine to go into my bladder I JUST DRANK ABOUT 40 OUNCES OF WATER FOR GOODNESS SAKES. i go for it again. drip...drip..dr.... damn. why does it gotta be a drought when i'm usually like the damn nile when it overflow's its banks? ugh. so i go out and ask if i can go take my final(which starts at 8 and it's now 7:30). nope, the employer must be called to grant permission. I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW MY URINE IS NOT HOLDING ME HOSTAGE. man i wanna kick rocks. actually i dont. i find it humorous because when i go back i the waiting room i know everyone can tell that i cant go. i am also paranoid that i smell because i cant wash my hands (i will imagine smells, just so you know. i am very anal).

so i have to call home to get the contact's number. now here's more background for you. it took me two days to get in touch with this chick because she aint NEVA at her desk EVER EVER EVER. i pray today will be different. i get the number and call it. maybe, i hope, when they call she will answer. i am back in the waiting room. twiddling my thumbs. out comes the nurse "no answer, no one is in, you have to stay". what the hell??????? it's 8 am now, exam is starting. damn it. 8:15... people go in... piss... come right back out. am i imagining them looking at me laughing because cant go? damn it. WHERE DID ALL YESTERDAY'S WATER GO? (note to self, weight yourself when you get home. you gotta be super bloated or something). 8:20: i decide i am leaving at 8:30 no matter what. as i am sitting there i feel a little tingle in my groin. its like a steady stream....... my bladder feels full........ I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I AM... back to the desk to ask AGAIN to go potty. *sigh* i go through the routine again. here we go.. cup in place.... hover (i dont sit on anybody's toilet except my own. HOLLA) YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. i got more than enough for that cup but i make sure she gets a ton of it.
okay now i have some thoughts:

1. i never knew you could feel your bladder filling
2. for all the trickles in the world how can ALL the water rush to my bladder at once?
3. how conclusive would you think a drug test would be when all i did was give them clear water that ran through my body and came back out at clear water? if i did drugs there wasnt none in there.
4. why couldn't they be satisfied with my previous trickles?
5. where the HELL did all the other water go? i better not be bloated. i gotta be a fly bitch this weekend.

okay so now i shared my pissy story with you. haha. enjoy. COMMENT BITCH!!!!!!!!!

i'm a hustla, i'ma i'ma hustla homie

nigga ask about me, ask about me


yes cassidy you are a hustler. you've gone and proved it now. now on the real, my insider info (cause you know i got industry connects) says you were a nerd before you got your deal. in case you didnt know sweetie flipping dubs doesnt make you a hustler. if i wanted to sell some weed i could. would i flip it and make a profit? nope. why? simple economics my friend.
okay so as you all know mr cassidy formerly of the teeny bopper, appeal to teenaged girls fame now of "i'm a hustler" fame has found himself in jail for shooting and killing a young man in his philiadelpha neighborhood. homey you went from being a nerd singing about chicks coming to your hotel to being a hustler. and now all of a sudden you wanna shoot somebody. i dont recall there being a mention of you having a record let a alone a felony. now you got first degree murder, attempted murder, possession of an unliscensed weapon charges amongst other things. soooooo tell me how this makes sense. let's say you WERE a hustler and knew the struggle. why would you put yourself in that environment and lose all you have gotten. did you not learn from shyne? you know why you weren't granted bail? because they know you got money now, at least advance money. your album may debut high on the charts (probably will since you aint seeing the light of day no time soon). so if you're considered to have enough to be a high flight risk why are you still "hustling" and running around with ak 47s? yeah i guess you got you wish. niggas is asking about you. they asking "why the hell were you so dumb to put yourself in that position?". 50 got shot nine times, he was a hustler, do you see his ass still living in NY? hell no. he lives in conneticut.

sentence: eternal damnation in SUBhell

dont you just love when moms get on that guilt trip s--t? oh yes: "God's going to hold you accountable". ain't it grand. i notice she likes to pull that when i get mad over my pet peeves:

i dont like last minute crap
i cant stand my someone in my house
i cant stand laziness
i hate when she puts me in the middle of her and my father
oh did i say i hate last minute crap?
so she asks me to bring my brother to work last minute. okay so i do give a little attitude. she's gone now to bring him since the window installer man blocked the drive way and i am not skilled enough to maneuver out without her screaming about the front rubbing the ground (if you saw my hill you'd know its damn near impossible to preform kamakaze stunt driving and thorougly preserve the scuff guard underneath a mini van) i just know i am going to hear it when she gets back. funny? my brothers dont do CRAP. LEAH COMES THROUGH. LEAH DOES ALL SHE IS ASKED. LEAH DOES HER CHORES AND LEAH IS THE ONLY ONE BEING CHASTISED. oh did i mention leah is old? yes i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo out when i graduate. lemme go apply for jobs now.

A Picture Share!

Caption:"if it[triple integrations in spherical coordinates] were easy there'd be no business majors" -calc teacher

A Picture Share!

The most disgusting thing ever yet i drink it faithfully.

oh gracious

go read so mariah carey lyrics if you dont get it.

i got a good idea for a halloween costume

yes ladies and gentleman, your eyes are not fooling you. it's a KU KLUX KOON. okay idiot. let me break some history down for you. the KKK is responsible for 2400 REPORTED lynchings in the SOUTHERN united states in 100 years. okay that's just what they did after they beat you, tared and feathered you, cut your baby out, cut your penis or vagina off, sewed cats up on your womb to let them fight their way out. then most of the time your body was burned. that's those who got lucky. remember emmitt till? he's the 14 year black boy who has a lisp and stuttered and a white women said he WHISTLED at her when he was talking. what happened then? before and after yeah i know. the people who did it may not have been card carrying members of the klan but how much you wanna bet the prosecutution or the sheriff WERE. how can we forget this past and make a mockery of what that robe and that hood means? people WE ARE NOT THAT FAR REMOVED. do you KNOW THE KLAN HAS HAD A SURGE IN NUMBERS???? do you KNOW THE CROSSES ARE BEING BURNED IN THE PITTSBURGH AREA WITHING THE PAST YEAR???? i mean how long ago was it that the man in texas drug behind a truck to his death????? people WAKE THE HELL UP. or maybe i should just conform huh? okay okay, i'll go get a noose and tie it around my neck for halloween and make my eyes bug out. oh but then the decendants of the salem witch trials will band together and protest and get nationwide recognition for standing up against a cause. black folks, you are TOO COMPLACENT.

Can I choose?

Okay folks, so do you all remember Nick Cannon? The gent started on nickelodion. He broke into movies as the drumming kid who made strange faces while saving his school's drum line. Then he moved so smoothly into hip hop. His brief foray included some hits such as Gigolo. Don't remember? Lemme refresh you're memory

I'm a gigolo, spending lot's a dough
You can tell the way wide-body, sitting on vogues
And how I'm shining, wit the fresh, fresh clothes
Always surrounded, by so many (HO!)
I'm a gigolo, always on the go
Every time I turn around, I got another show
In the club, wit about three in a row
Drop in the Six, 'cause I love them (HO!)

Okay great so since we had our brief history of Nick's illustrious careeer let's fast forward to 2005. Nick needs a hit ladies and gentleman. He needs to reach out past B2K's audience. He had a song which featured omarion before omarion debuted at #1 as a solo artist. So okay in the immortal words of Samantha from Sex and the City "First gays, then the girls" after that the industry is your oyster. Clearly Nick has no problem with the gays. NC and Omarion (you know Marques Houston and his love buddy Christ Stokes aint too far behind) got the game on lock. Nick has no problem with the girls either I dont get it but hey it aint me that gotta wake up to him every morning. Now he must finally go mainstream. How does he do it? Nick wakes up one fine morning and says 'hmm, my momma once told me she wanted to abort me so i am going to make up a song about what i thought when i was in her womb'.

Okay great Nick, you weren't aborted. But HOW can you put out songs about being a gigalo, loving "hoes" and swinging the dick in every hole it can find and then put out an essentially anti-choice song? its great your mom didnt abort you (yes i am being Jesus like today folks) but with you putting your little snake in every rabbit hole you're bound to have a little mighty man that just as determined as can be to find it's way into her egg. So what are you going to do? You want me to beleive if some chick that AINT wifey gets knocked you're going to tell her to keep it because the baby is inside talking about "can i live?" BULLSHIT. Your career ain't started yet (even if this bullshit DOES make it to number one on 106 & Park). You cant lose the girls by having a baby. You cant afford to lose the gays by letting them know you like vagina and you aren't a versatile bottom like they thought. You're going to tell chicky to get rid of "IT" because in your mind it aint a fetus thats screaming out "Can i live?" it's a little monkeywrench in your get rich quick scheme (because quite frankly you aint working with much in the talent or looks department sonny. oh and holla at a bowflex). it aint working for me nick. the little disclaimer at the end doesn NEGATE the message you're putting out there: "Ladies, i'll poke and leave. We both win, you f--k a superstar and i get my nut off but if your ass gets pregnant that's a wrap because you aint getting CRAP out of me." Nick I am sorry but can the ladies choose? Pro-Choice aint a sin.


post script: this post doesn't convey my personal feelings about what I would do if I got pregnant but I AM pro-choice for other women. I have no right to judge you and your decisions. I think it's HIGHLY hypocritical for men to put their two cents in what the hell you're going to do with YOUR body after a one night stand. You only get rights if you're the long term or the husband. P-E-R-I-O-D

damn baby all i need is a little bit.

dedicated to he who loves cheesy-ness

"there's something bout that sexy skin you're in. your clothes dont do you justice so come out of them"

"Yeah, save the narrative, you savin it for marriage
Let's keep it real ma, you savin it for karats
You wanna see how far I'ma go
How, much I'ma spend but you already know
Zip, zero, stingy with dinero
Might buy you Crist', but that about it
Might light your wrist, but that about it
F--k it, I might wife you and buy you nice whips
Ma, but you really gotta ride nice dick
Know how to work your hips and your head's priceless"

"We got a love thing, girl you try to leave me
But you need me, can't you see you're addicted to me
We got a love thing, I can take you higher girl
F----n' with me, you can be all you can be"

stripped

Sorry if I ain't perfect
Sorry I don't give a...
Sorry I ain't a diva
Sorry just know what I want
Sorry I'm not a virgin
Sorry I'm not a slut
I won't let you break me
Think what you want

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

amen

i love it, i love it, i love it

okay well i am about to hit the sack. it's 11:30 and i am tired. i just got in from spending some time with my sister. i missed my LS i didnt realize it until she came back. she's much younger than me that thats like my blood. one of the few people i can fuss with and everything will still be okay. its always great to see fam again.


remember that bubbly feeling i was talking about a couple days ago? i just accepted (against my better judgement) the reason it was there and it has turned into a fluttery feeling. i dont mind that one at all. it feels kind of good and enlightening. so unexpected, so fun, so exciting, so surprising, so wonderful. the things that come with it are so great. i love it, i love it, i love it.

its time for me to go to bed now and maybe i might have a dream. i hope so. i have been day dreaming all day and they have been great. (i am delirious with a need for sleep. finally i will have rest)



eta: DAMN I JUST MESSED UP MY BANANA REPUBLIC DRY CLEAN ONLY KHAKIS. ONLY I WOULD SIT ON A CHEESEBURGER. *runs for the cold water and shout*

I'll be your groupie baby
Cause you are my superstar
I'm your number one fan, give me your autograph
Sign it right here on my heart
Boy I'll be your groupie baby
Cause you are my superstar
And as your number one fan
I'll do all that I can
To show you how super you are

shout outs

to my youngin who sleeps worse than me (and whose attention span is as bad as mine).... check your mail ;o)

share my bed

I love stuffed animals. I like barbies too. yes i have hello kitty linen. it looks good. so dont hate

A Picture Share!

I am so bored i sent you all my shoe. No its not big. I wear a 7 (8 in the stillettos that i love so much.)

A Picture Share!

I am trying to merge onto the parkway. I am not even in traffic yet. Damn

and i

a peek into my playlist:

from the rainy day playlist (anyone knows me knows rainy days are my favorite. )


I dont need me a basketball player
All I need is somebody thats down for me
And he dont have to have money
His love is just like honey
Its so sweet to me
He can have everything in this world
But he'll sacrafice it all for me
And I made up my mind
Im in love this time
And it feels so real

And I
Know that he wont break my heart
And I
Know that we wont ever part
Its time, time for us to settle down
And I
Wanna be with him forever


They can say that I am crazy
For makin him my baby
But it's how it's gone be
See I done been through many changes
But this one I aint changing
It's gone stay the same
I can have everything in this world
But I'll sacrafice it all for him
And I made up my mind
Im in love this time
And it feels so real

I love you
And all of the things that you do
Oh baby please
I need you (I need you)
So believe me (I do)
I do
Cause I love you
And every lil thing baby
No no OoO whooOooa OooOo
They don't know how I feel
Cause I kno this is real

speckled flowers in all colors....

Yay to flowers and wishes (yes i took this picture hehehe. even with my camera phone i am a genius)

the perfect arch (yeah i did it myself)

This entry is dedicated to how fly i am. Damn Leah. Dont hurt em. (clearly i am bored Haha)

and i finally became....

20 pearls, Represent the Alpha Girls......


why does my sorority have to define me? i am not one of those nalia junkies. i didnt become who i am because i was initiated. it actually has caused me to become MORE of a recluse. i cant take hearing "oh you know Leah, the AKA". FYI: i'm 23, beautiful, enjoy mathematics and harry potter. i'm more than my letters. i respect my letter, i respect my org, i love my LS but in Alpha Sigma the letters dont define us. I got real superstars in A-Sig. I have people in my chapter who will be doing big things: Broadcast Journalists, Actresses, Engineers, Mathematicians, Medical Marketers, Economists and that's just Phoenix. AKA didnt make us so please, we have names and it ain't "the AKA from that Alluring, Sensational Alpha Sigma Chapter" (yeah we're fierce we cant help it)

scary

.

any takers?

CONFIDENTIAL
To whom it may concern:
Reference is made to the partnership between ________________ and Leah (referred to hereunto as Expressions) on this day ________________ in the year two thousand two hundred and five.

I. Emotions
a. In exchange for the agreement to be together in a committed relationship you, ______________ agree to have dealt with all feelings from all past relationships. Thereunto the flame must be extinguished. If said flame is not extinguished you agree to not hold Expressions to a relationship where she is not being given a fair try.
b. When you, ___________________, fall in love with Expressions you must let her know. Expressions agrees to do the same. There will be no fear of saying it first.
c. Let Expressions know when you are not feeling her anymore. Do not pick a fight and hope she will break up with you and do not just cut her off with no warning.
d. Be delicate with expressions’ heart as it was severely damaged and through years of TLC has been healed with barely any trace of a scar.
II. Old Flames
a. You,_____________, shall agree that when you feel love for an old flame reemerging you will let expressions go with respect for her growing feelings for you
b. You may be friends with ex’s but Expressions is also granted this liberty to be used at her discretion.
III. Cheating
a. You, ______________________ shall agree to be castrated if caught cheating.
IV. Identity
a. You, ____________________ shall be yourself at all times
b. You must be accepting of expression’s weirdness
c. You must be committed to being a nerd
i. You must be an addict to one of the following:
1. Harry Potter
2. Star Trek
3. Star Wars
4. Lord of the Rings
5. Role Playing Games
d. You are not required to have a degree but you must be hard working
V. Expressions’s agreement
a. Whatever you desire, I'll aspire
b. Sing You A Song
c. Turn my game on
d. I'll brush your hair
e. Help Put Your Do Rag On
f. A foot rub
g. Manicure
h. I'm going to fulfill your Mind, Body, And Spirit
i. I'll keep myself up
j. Remain The Same Chick You Fell In Love With (Yeah)
k. I'll keep it tight
l. I'll keep my figure right
m. I'll keep my hair fixed
n. Keep rocking the hottest outfits
o. When you come home late tap me on my shoulder I’ll roll over
p. Baby I heard you, I’m here to serve you
q. If it’s love you need, to give it is my joy
r. All I want do it cater to you boy
s. Through the good, the bad, the ups and the ill still be here for you
t. Fulfill your every desire.
u.
Please indicate agreement with this contract thereby signing your name to the following
I __________(the undersigned) hereby state my intention to pursue a relationship with Expressions. I agree to be as good to her as she is to me and to understand that no relationship is perfect. We will have arguments and disagreements but you agree to pull through and work with it.

edited to add: one need not apply without the express intent to court expressions in anyway, without wanting to know expressions anyway or without wanting to do all types of nerdy things with her. the signer must get the express consent from expressions and be willing to accept all complements gracefully and accept how great they are i.e. NO UNCONFIDENT MOFOS. you may NOT be a bootlegger, drug dealer or any other type of hustler, no ballers, no atheletes, no rappers, nymphomaniacs, no sex addicted fools, no man who has any desire to get expressions to partake in a household of three i.e. menage a trois. you may be prettier than expressions but do not take longer to get dressed than expressions (i.e. one hour or one hour and thirty minutes for formal events) you agree not to wear clear nail polish, expressions will buff your nails as needed. the signee is entitled to one pedicure a month at his discretion and must wear colognge. all those who cannot agree with these stipulations need not apply. HOLLA BACK

ROFL

why is the youngin so darned funny. i cant take it. geez i wanna plagiarize his remix so bad but i'll reluctantly just post the link. i wish i could take credit for this masterpiece:
http://damnitwtf.blogspot.com/2005/06/beat-it-remix.html

A Picture Share!

This is me sitting in the car waiting to get back from my 5 am walk. I love how moms pervert the most simple things into errand runs. Gotta love her hehe.

i'm a muggle and proud

*this is procrastination at it's best if i must say*

THE NEW HARRY POTTER COMES OUT IN 37 DAYS WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE IS ABOUT TO BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND.


in other news: destiny's child is breaking up. *sniff sniff* it was good while it lasted ladies. now i am forced to get to your tour by any means neccesary.

in other news. i've been really giggly and bubbly lately. YAY TO THAT. i am glad i am so chippper again. the past week i was a little down but anyone who knows me well knows WHY. awww well. i feel so excited. okay back to math. tomorrow i officially start studying for GRE's.

necrophelia

the most bizarre thing i have ever read: http://www.voltini.com/id43.htm

bubbles

i have things rumbling in me that need to be released but i dont know where to put it or how to do it. imagine my utter frustration. i dont know what to do but for a little while i am going to try and meditate and chill out, hoping and praying they go away without me having to create and outlet for them. i feel it in my chest. like bubbles.

obsession

i wanna be
the everything you need
the every sight you see
the closest thing to epidemic
slightly your disease
a love without a cure
no uncertainties for sure
the closest thing to alcohol
that calls you back for more

your sensual tough
it's all too much
unbearing love
my obsession
i speak your tone
dance to your song
of my confession
of my obsession

it's fearful when i
replay over life
no existing night
feels like this one
i feel your presence
underrates romance
no fear, you're my one, slight obsession

you stand beside
and everything resides
every surrounding fights
to fall into the moment, take their seats into the night
an unexperienced heart
is begging & it starts
to collect all the elements of love
that's sure to draw

have you read the surgeon's general
tells me it's not healthy still i know
maybe i'll be the one to teach a lesson baby
but the first step is to admit my obsession baby

have you seen the way i look at you
my eyes glare along with fireflies in the night
your response is only a test and
obviously i failed
cause you're my obsession
-Kelly Rowland

this song is so hot. it had to come back into rotation for me. i am a true destiny's child fan. i have a kelly rowland cd and this is my second favorite song on it.

contemplation

i am sitting here on a saturday night bored and thinking. i have started the search for grad school. that is my ticket out of this joint. i cant take anymore. i need to get out on my own and stand on my own two feet. i can handle being alone i dont mind. if that what it takes to be happy in the end its cool.

i like that i dont cheapen my standards to that i wont have to be in on the weekends. i refuse to be around folks i dont care for. everyone tells me to live life, be free etc. the funny part is that i dont care. i think i am living life, i am in school and trying to get life started. i dont need to be out with a different man friday, saturday and sunday night. so its not my goal to make that happen. thats just about what people do on weekends anyway. i am wary of dates anyway. as i was told a couple times "every time a man does something nice or you it's an invitation for sex". i am sorry but the goodies gotta stay in the jar. they'll come out as soon as someone proves to me that they dont CARE if they get them. when i know thats not why you're talking to me, you're welcome to anything. so no dates make my life hassle free. i am enjoying sitting around and relaxing. the summer seems to be going pretty fast. thats because this is my last year in school. i may not have accoplished too too too much in school but at least i got some things done.and now its time to move on and start a new chapter in my life which brings me back to the school search. i am looking at schools in ohio, maryland and virginia. my mom says no ohio and frat told me va is cheap. if you've any suggestions for a math major like myself let me know. i am open to suggestions.

in other news. i have no new news. nothing to say (that i am willing to share on a blog) and nothing to report. life is pretty boring but i guess thats all i should ask for. excitement is not always good. okay so now i think i am going to snuggle on the sofa and watch a movie. oh here's a tidbit. i was so bored i CALLED people. I KNOW. it had to be bad right? haha. i am so weird, what can i say? i love you all. keep reading my blog. *muah*

T-Shirt (juxtaposed)

*turn my music up... up some more. up a little bit more:*

when you're not here (i sleep in your t-shirt)

clothing is a very intimate thing. when you wear something enough your scent stays in the clothes. so i am a t-shirt thief. why? because i am a very sense oriented person. i rank my senses this way: sight, touch, smell, taste, and hearing. so because of this i would take my (immdiate past) man's t-shirts all the time. okay so they were usually a 5X. that fine though. the coziest thing in the world is to curl up in oversized clothing and smell their scent.

i wish you were here (to take of your t-shirt) after we make love (i sleep in your t-shirt, wake up in your t-shirt still smell the scent of your cologne)

so it's amazing the memories a smell can trigger. i can get lost in the memories from one shirt. my fav was this long sleeved grey nautica one. it hugged me just right. it was smooth against my skin. the nautical cologne smell never wore off. that was my uniform: the big t-shirt, some sweats, wheat timbs, hair tied in the blue scarf and im out. when i need your feel (i sleep in your t-shirt)

At night, when you're far And I'm alone
I feel the fabric from your t-shirt
close to My body


with all the memories you'd wonder where the t-shirt is now. it was the first thing i gave back. my wise youngin said it best but i wont butcher his quote. i'll ask him and put it here later. *muah*

my fav sex and the city quote: "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris."

my summer wish list

i did one of these a couple years back with an old friend. we put down everything we wanted to do in the summer and we both signed it. so here we go:

1. get the hell up out of pittsburgh. i got a couple things planned but i am hoping this is the second to last summer i have to suffer through
2. master undergrad mathematics techniques. i need to blow the gre's out the water. i need to do great so i can get money for grad school and be free dammit. i didnt utilize the money i got for school very well and now i have 10 years of loans to look forward to unless i decide to teach in a public school for 5 years.
3. get a tan
4. get toned up. aint nothing better than a pretty girl, with a pretty body to match.
5. see cedar point, kings island or kings dominion. i have a roller coaster fix i need to handle. it's been a year in the making.
6. find some research work with a reliable teacher
7. dont sweat the little stuff
8. go to the rib america cookoff. all i want is some pig's foot bbq. they are GREAT. as of today, 6.11.2005 i have learned the rib america cookoff is THIS WEEKEND. that sucks. :o(
9. start letting bitch freee. i gotta cuss a couple people out before i graduate. some of these folks got it coming too. just wait.
10. grow my hair out. ever since i destroyed the side of my hair, it's never been the same. i love my natural hair but its not as nice as it could be with this length i have going on. at least i dont have green hair anymore.
11. plan for a killer semester of programs. i have to go out the presidency with a bang. thank goodness it's over. I JUST WANTED IT TO BE OVER!!!!!!!
12. see destiny's child in concert. yeah if i have to go by myself i will. i dont care.
13. hey look at my profile. i have a google wishlist. i would like someone to get me some stuff off that wish list. all i need is a secret admirer. hehehehe

A Picture Share!

I am sitting here waiting to go to class. I dont want to go. Its just one of those days a girl goes through. I feel like someone attached a miserable weight on

magnetism

i dont want to speak in certain scientific terms. i want to talk about a feeling.
i am drawn to visual things, things that make me dream, things that make me think, things that make me feel passion.

being drawn to something is definitly something interesting. its sometimes very sudden. out of no where. where does it come from? i wish it could be turned off because sometimes its unwanted.

right now i kind of have an unwanted draw. not unwanted because it is bad but unwanted because its out of left field and so ODD. of all things to be drawn to. so i am going to make my own attempt to intervein in the feeling. so it can go away. if it doesnt what will i do? i am not used to this. i am usually so calculating and know exactly what i want and DONT WANT and let things run their course because i know i have some control. however....


it slips away: because of words.

i will go to sleep now but somehow i fear i am going to have dreams tonight, which i never do and sometimes they scare me.

dear lord, stop the madness

okay so i love my breasts. i really do. i have a relationship with them, as i should seeing has how i have to check them at least once a month for breast cancer. i keep them, clean, exfoliated and lotioned up. lately i've been letting them free via cleavage baring shirts.



great huh?
so anyway. some women feel the need to garner the attention of men who enjoy baywatch babes. so what do they do? put toxic balloons in their cheast through, the belly button (causes low breasts), through the armpit (causes high breasts or misplaced breasts), through the areola (leaves a nasty scar and you may as well count the breasts out for foreplay and breast feeding) or under the breast which also leaves a nasty scar. most of the time these things look bolted on and like cantelopes. and really lucky women get capsular contracture, necrosis, rupture, and sometimes the implants just rot themselves out. pure idiocy. why would you DO THAT TO YOUR BODY? dont these dumb broads look on the internet? dont they notice that EVEN PLAYBOY doesnt want these circus freak breasts? i am sorry but implants dont look good. then once you get them in you have to worry about them dropping too much, rippling, that huge telltale valley. then, they cant be much fun during sex. yeah maybe i would like to wear a top that your breasts just sit there on display but there are so many more tops that look just as good with my real breasts. sorry but basketballs only look good on a basketball court.

Why do people see a teeny bit of stubble and freak? I wax dammit you cant wax something that aint there. I am sorry my pants are short UGH

A Picture Share!

Who wants to come to class for me? They are talking about hookah bars. I wanna experience that. It sounds interesting. Oh the fun white folks have.

sigh

i am sitting here waiting for my ride to class. my mother scheduled deliveries for when i am supposed to be at school. genuis move on her part, yeah i know. i will just go study my butt off at the library somewhere. i cant sit on my butt anymore. i love having things to look forward to and thank goodness i do now. i have nothing to twiddle my thumbs about. nothing to talk about. nothing interesting to tell you about myself. i decided to quit doing that because do you really wanna know about me? most folks dont. i just seem to volunteer information which is kind of wack. i guess i can be mysterioius but i dont have a mysterious look to myself. oh well. i guess i'll post more pictures of something. now what.... i dont know.

Fwd: why do people smoke in the heat?

So i am standing in the heat waiting for a bus. it is so hot i can smell the sweat on my face. i look over to see this chick lgitng up a cigarette. this is wrong on so many levels. why put some thing near your face that makes matter worse?aint it already got enough for you already. and when you cant breath you get hotter.i am sorry. i dont beleive any addiction is that serious.

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A Picture Share!

Nice digs pitt. Nice to know i can be comfy while wasting my time.

elephant legs

Sometimes i feel like the world is out for me... Even my pantyhose

Feng Shui

Another view

A view of PNC Headquarters and PPG Building

The fung shi is in full effect (i shall spell check that later)

A Picture Share!

Today must be the start of one of those awful weeks we all have. Yay to running around this building looking for the wrong room

lusting

yes i am lusting. get over it.




aint he yummy? (might need a paper bag over his head though)

okay business majors i have had enough

okay so. i am not a degree snob AT ALL. i respect everyone or going to college. with that said i have to let you know i am about to offend a couple of you all out there in cyberworld.


come, come business majors. pull up a seat and bring your old buddies marketing and communications majors. okay ladies and gentleman let me ask you. WHY are you such snobs? i EXPECT YOU to make dean's list EVERY SEMESTER. why? because all you do is memorize, spit it back out and write papers and do a couple group assignments. okay, i am not saying that doesnt take skill but umm..... most people in college can do that. where the REAL SKILL comes in is sitting through that boring mess. so why do you expect me to make dean's list every semester? in my field a 3.2 is decent. in your fields if you come in with a 3.2 you're the bottom of the barrel. see the difference? there's a reason that everyone and their mother becomes a business major after their attempts at chemesry, biology and engineering fails. it's because when you graduated you might as well have a bachelor's in a SURE THING. yay to getting paid less than your average bank teller with 2 years experience when you have a degree. did no one tell you that unless you're male, white and went to a top 10 business school and have your MBA or your daddy is CEO of some big company you have a long road ahead? so, you can most def redeem yourself with numerous internships: those are the folks who have dreams and will make it far. i know a bunch of people like that. i respect them. i see their hard work. they are brilliant and intelligent and probably could do what i am doing with as much ease. business interests them and it's a passion. but i am aiming this post at those business majors who dropped out of their other program, switched to business and just quit caring. now you may say: Leah where's your internship. I admit i should have had one and since i am not giving you all excuses i wont tell you why i havent had one but i WILL say this. internships for math majors are NOT as bountiful as internships for BUSINESS majors. so take your condecending comments, your aloof looks, and your pretentious ideas and shove them in your business books. you're more than welcome to pull them back out when you make it to a fortune 500 company in a top position.

you're welcome to the attitude when you pay your dues.

Twiddling my Thumbs part III and other stuff

For those of you familiar with my Xanga you will remember my little "twiddling my thumbs entries" which are basically a bunch of questions and answers to random things because i am bored. well i am most certainly bored now. my mom has me watching daycare kids while she does something. so without further adieu:


1. i love the pittsburgh steelers
2. if they are losing you'd be well advised not to touch me or talk to me unless you are trying to make me feel better.
3. i love gettings letters and e-mails
4. i hate red roses
5. i am not a fan of diamonds
6. i have a red phone for no particular reason because i dont particularly like the color. i thought it was different.
7. all the hoodrats now have my phone.
8. i hate being a leader... i much rather work under direction i.e. i am a little indian
9. i am capable of being a good leader but that doesnt mean i am going to like it
10. i love, love, love meeting people like myself. it's so rare to find that i will usually try very hard to maintain the relationship.
11. i love the movie finding nemo
12. i just realized my favorite food was cheeseburgers last year when frat pointed it out to me. hehe
13. i like pickles and i will drink the juice if you leave it around.
14. if i could afford colonics (or knew where to get them in pittsburgh) i would.
15. i have to cleanse my body every month or i feel gross.
16. i refuse to tell you what method i use.
17. i LOVE roller coasters
18. i like to be tan
19. i like to exercise
20. even though i like to exercise circumstances dont always allow it
21. i am tired of talking about myself now.

calc in 3-d

why do i have to MEMORIZE the form of 6 conic sections. we were just taught them last week so why am i expected to know them and spit them out by monday?
when i am a big time mathematician i am going to look back on these days of stress and be happy.

cheap

i hate cheap people. for real. my old friend wasn't cheap with me even down to the end, even when i wasnt his girl and if i called him up now telling him i was stuck and needed money i would have it. i am not a golddigger, actually if i went out on a date with you i'd pay for myself. however.... the test of the man is: do you offer to pay? do you offer? that's what it comes down to. i have guys take a dinner check from me and insist to pay. haha. although i'm not a golddigger, i do notice when you're being cheap. i just make a mental note and put it in your file. it lets me know that when push comes to shove and if we're serious that i need NOT go out my way for you because you wont do it for me. if you are being cheap when you're in "impress her" mode i'd hate to see you in "comfortable mode". i am a loyal chick and i will most def go out my way to make you happy. i know happiness isn't about material things but sometimes material things do the trick for your man. i'm a "cater 2 u" chick all the way. in the end it comes down to being SELFLESS. i cant do that if i dont think it's going to be reciprocated. now where did this come from? you ask. let's just say i know a woman who gives her all to her man and he doesnt do crap for her in return. she isnt a gold digger but she sure as heck gotta feel bad when he doesn't do anything for her.

what i need in a man:
truthful (as much as a man can be) and selfless... that's it

oh and i like a man that smells good. that's really sexy. hehe. yeah that most def cant be optional.

let me hold you...

In my arms/ in my mind/ all the time
I wanna:
Keep you right/ by my side/ till I die
Im gonna
Hold you down/ and make sure everything is right wit you
You can never go wrong if you
LET ME HOLD YOU...
Down/
Like a real friends/ SUPPOSED to,
Im trying to/ show you,
The life of somebody like you should be living
Oh Baby
You could never go wrong...
If you: Let me hold you

chicken feet

mmm someone bring me to joe's crab shack NOW

yes this chick was in 10 degree weather in this getup in baltimore

the things girls do i tell you. those ARE flip flops and leg warmers just so you know.

duck lipped rich bitches at a trade show

yes this is a skirt and leggings

yeah the alpha sigma table at cmu looks too good.

probate spoof elmo

You have a new Picture Mail

So in my boredom i realized i can blog from my phone. Gotta love that

the past part II

whew i blog a lot. this is it for now. if you really want to know me holla at my old blog.


Saturday, March 05, 2005

Currently Reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys By Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik see related see the book i am about to read? it was recommended to me and i need it. i am a romantic failure. am i not pretty enough, nice enough, bold enough, forward enough? i dont get it. i dont understand men. i dont even want a relationship. i want someone to chat with and cuddle with. i dont want to be in his face all the time and he damn sure dont need to be in mine. hell... dont even call me. AIM all the way. you dont have to wine and dine me. walk me up to the park and make me a sandwich. notice i said walk. we're college students the car issue can be overcome... i'll have my own soon enough. i am failing at something that all women should be good at. *sigh* i am so tired of being the cute kid sister. Wednesday, March 02, 2005 I was told by someone I need a swagger... a confident swagger. I need to not give a care. Okay I can do that. I can really be on a "i dont give a ..." kind of attitude. That attitude allows a person to be bold. I am trying to do this bold thing and act on impulse in an attempt to try and get what I want. So far it's not working. But the upside it I'm not too embarassed. **LOL** hey, we can't all get what we want. Did I tell you all that someone said i intimidated them. why the hell do i intimidate someone" i'm 5'3'' for goodness sakes (he's about my height). it can't be my attitude because i am very nice. it can't be my look because like someone told me i "ain't no supermodel but i'm pretty". if someone is intimidated by an average girl like me they have some issues they need to handle. *LOL* Leah needs a confident man in her life. He needs to take charge. He needs to be spontaneous.... every thing m*****l ain't (I know you read my shit.) I have someone in mind i think. oh and if you think it's you it's probably not. *LOL* don't dig too deep into my xanga entries. they are not that serious. this just fun for me. it's like an extended aim profile. people put their business on AIM anyway. so i extended it. glad life right now is stress free. people right now are going through WAY WAY WAY too much and i am just glad it ain't me. i am in no rush to be grown and crap. that mess takes too much emotion. i'm emotionally lazy right now. you would be too if you were me. i think i had two months where i cried every day. so why do i need to be all emotional and crap now? i'm cool. Tuesday, March 01, 2005 lets see. where to start? there is something i want really really badly but i can't get it. i cant grasp it.... its so close but sadly i am not doing something right. ever see that scene in pirates of the carribean when the dog is sitting right in front of captain jack sparrow with the keys to his prison cell but he is just out of reach? i feel like that right now. i think i might just give this one up. it aint worth it. the snow is so pretty. so clean. it's going to be sad when it's stained and turned into dirty slush. 1:11 AM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Friday, February 25, 2005 Ha. I'm living the life and it's wonderful. (there was something great here but i accidentally deleted it. oh well) enough of praising myself. i am so happy right now. i think this is the happiest i have been in my life. not because i have some man or some friends or anything superficial like that. it's because i really and truly love myself for me and right now i am not trying to be anyone else. it's so beautiful i could cry. life is really beautiful and i have this appreciation for it that i never had before. Friday, March 11, 2005 so this is my last day in dayton. i accomplished NOTHING i hoped to except i relaxed myself. it was great. now i gotta work off the good 5 or 6 lbs i picked up this week. it can be gone by next week. i noticed it's all going to my thighs which may be bad or good depending on your outlook on things. okay so when i get back to pittsburgh i just need to get refocuses, do my work, continue to do well and try to keep my goal of making the dean's list. i am happy. my daddy treated me great this week. i got all kinds of treats!! i tell you. 2005 has been good. God has been good to me. many folks might think i am heathen because i refuse to go to a church but they dont understand. God and I talk on a regular basis. I talk to him in my most relaxing of moments. i talk to Him in the shower, when i'm walking. if you see me spaced out i'm either talked to God or imagining those romantic, dreamy thoughts i get caught up in. speaking of which. i need to get my head out the clouds. these soap operas have done me in. lol. i am glad to finally be happy, truely happy. all this time i thought i needed someone to make me happy and in actuality all i needed was me. 11:28 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Tuesday, March 08, 2005 just when i say "i'm done. i quit" the thing i want will happen. 4:01 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it the most awesome feeling in the world is cold grease being run down parts in your scalp. i am so weird. i am hypersentive to senses. weird smells are appealing to me and weird feelings are the best to me. i like when fingers are run lightly down the groove in my back all the way down to the small of my back and then run all the way back up again and then back down. i like to be given shivers and goosebumps from touch. it feels great but i love, love, love to have my scalp greased. i love to smell burning wood and i even like the smell of gasoline. i love the smell of cologne and liquor on someone's breath if they've been chewing minty gum. i like the sound of thunderstorms. the like the feel in the air of rain on a warm day. those are my favorite days strangely. those spring and fall days where it's very warm and rain cools everything off and it's slightly humid and the smell of rain is in the air. i love to sit in the park (in a car) on a rainy day, windows slightly open, mist on my skin and enjoy the feel and good conversaton or good silence and good presence while the smell of the rain fills my nostrils. i love spring! i am so glad it's approaching. now who wants to sit in the rain with me? lol. 12:32 AM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Sunday, March 06, 2005 Currently Reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys By Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik see related reading my book. great read. so enlightening. guys suck!!!! Tuesday, March 22, 2005 No More Drama I have no drama in my life right now. It's so refreshing and so damn boring. I am really at a plateau. I can go up or i can go down. Nothing interesting going on. No profound loniness. No major fears. I am at ease. It's the strangest thing. I have no crushes. No real enemies. Nothing to dread and nothing to look forward to. This is definatly a calm before a storm. So I wonder what the storm will be. Will it be much needed rain after a drought or will it be a hurricaine? I am home. Time to spend time with my mommy and brothers. I gotta make Aaronkeith like me. Doesn't he have the coolest name. I always say "My brother's name is Aaronkeith. No space, no hyphen, lowercase K." He doesn't want to own his specialness though. Oh no everyone gotta call him Aaron, or Keith, or AK. Shame on him. I'm plain old Leah. Someone calls me a nickname and I think it's the cutest thing ever. I love that nickname. I will never admit to it though because I barely know the person who calls me that. I am surprised he knows my damn name. Oh e-mail address--- you've named me. But that nickname is the best! It makes me smile! 11:04 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Tuesday, March 15, 2005 TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Leah Birthday: 12/0481 Birthplace: New Orleans, Louisiana Current Location: Pittsburgh Eye Color: The darkest, deepest, most sensual brown ever Hair Color: blue black Height: 5'4'' Right Handed or Left Handed: Left Your Heritage: Black The Shoes You Wore Today: White timbs Your Weakness: thick, chocolate men Your Fears: dying, rejection Your Perfect Pizza: Lots of meat and mushrooms Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Dean's List Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL Thoughts First Waking Up: i want to go back to sleep Your Best Physical Feature: lips Your Bedtime: whenever. Your Most Missed Memory: MLE Pepsi or Coke: neither MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King Single or Group Dates: any kind Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino Do you Smoke: no Do you Swear: no Do you Sing: no Do you Shower Daily: of course Have you Been in Love: yes Do you want to go to College: yes Do you want to get Married: yes!!!!!!!!! Do you belive in yourself: yes Do you get Motion Sickness: yes Do you think you are Attractive: YUP Are you a Health Freak: when i need to lose weight Do you get along with your Parents: yes Do you like Thunderstorms: LOVE THEM Do you play an Instrument: no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no In the past month have you Smoked: no In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: no In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no In the past month have you been on Stage: no In the past month have you been Dumped: no In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no Ever been Drunk: no Ever been called a Tease: no Ever been Beaten up: no Ever Shoplifted: no How do you want to Die: in my sleep What do you want to be when you Grow Up: housewife What country would you most like to Visit: kenya In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: any color Favourite Hair Color: any color Short or Long Hair: short Height: 6'0'' and above Weight: anything over 150 Best Clothing Style: preppy thug Number of Drugs I have taken: umm.. does topical acne medicine count? Number of CDs I own: does this include pirated music? Number of Piercings: 2 Number of Tattoos: 0 Number of things in my Past I Regret: who the hell can count

the past

in honor of switching blogs (and increasing boredom) i am going to post my favorite xanga blogs and be done with it. enjoy it now. hehe

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

why do we have to love people? its just a reason to be broken hearted, depressed and full of unexpressable sadness. how can someone tell you they love you (but not to be mistaken with IN love with you) but then they constantly put themselves before everything. love is simply the act of putting someone else before yourself. love is not selfish. if you are selfish in a relationship YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE. think about this: good lasting marriages have good sex. what is good sex? being able to know what your partner wants and to be able to put aside what you want in trying to satisfy your partner. why does this work? because the other person is trying their hardest to satify you and in the end you all acheive ultimate satisfaction. sex is the ultimate symbol of love, loveless sex is onesided. one person is not happy. this equates to failure. so before you run off and say "i love you" think about what that means. and don't dare say you love someone because of what it can get you, that's borerline blasphemous. anyway. why do we have to love? humans are selfish in nature. why do something that defies what is natural?

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Today I feel happy, free like a bird. It's raining out but I have always loved rain. I love to have the window open, the cool breeze and the slight mist. It's the coziest time to take a little nap. I am glad I got to enjoy a day before I go back to school. My hair is braided right now. I think i want to just grow my relaxer out and get a texturizer. I dont know though. I am having a physical identity crisis in that i dont know what i want to look like. I need to do my eyebrows, but i dont know if i want them thick or thin. I dont know if i want to continue not to wear a lot of makeup or if i want to go back to the full face. I dont know if i want to continue to be all dressy or if i want to go back to the old laid back me. The odd thing is i dont change my appearance to suit or attract anyone else. I think this is the motivating force in the image of many people. Since i dont have this motivation to look a certain way i am confused as to where i am going with my look. I do know i need to lose this 5 lbs of holiday weight plus another 15 or so. I have some resolutuons for the new year but i may save them for another entry. we shall see how i feel............

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET: 2005 drama. we all feed off of it. but sometimes you have your fill. i am tired of being the scapegoat. i am tired of being the easy one to implicate when something goes wrong. hell, i get blamed for enough stuff that i might as well do all the rotten things i get blamed for. this hasnt happened as of late but thinking back it has happened enough. drama..... acceptance. we all want to accepted. some of us are accepted for our uniqueness. some of us rid ourselves of uniqueness to be accepted. some of us join organizations. what does leah do? none of the above (to the naysayers. i did not join ANY organization for the acceptance of others). i know that acceptance for me isnt what it is to others. as long as the people i love accept me i am cool. they do.... love. damn. i wish i was in it. i wish one day i could know the feeling of someone feeling for me as i do for them. hasn't happened yet. so is true love the reciprocation or mirror of one's feelings for someone? can love be considered love if it's one sided? why do people want to be in love? if i could make the desire go away i would. i am a romantic at heart. is my purpose in life rooted in romantic love?i hope not because if it is i am failing horribly. why i am so fixated on relationships right now? it took me by surprise. funny thing... when i was in one i took it for granted. love is a funny thing. lies. why do i have so many damn liars in my life? i can't take it. people lie about so much. they lie about doing nice things, to things they see on t.v. to how much they want to support you. the last i can't take. dont be phoney to me... especially when i am so genuine to you. i really put myself out there for people. and in return i get my feelings hurt. thats why friends are so hard to come by. friends. as much of a romantic i am i dont desire an abundance of friends. give me one and i'm cool. my friend taught me not to trust folks. i am grateful. she gave me some glasses to replace my old rose colored ones with which i am able to see true colors. however.... i am seeing in 16 bit and she sees in 32. things and perceptions are much clearer. it takes years to master such things. these are one of the reasons i regret being so sheltered. thats okay. i appreciate my new vision and with it i have eliminated some shifty people. sadly.... fakeness may soon follow. i like being so truthful... truth dont leave me. what is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? watch the movie. if i had the choice would i erase HIM from my memory? no. a feeling so beautiful and so sad should never be erased. why erase those lessons learned? hell... coulda been worse. i wish i had a time machine. i would go back to 2002. that's when my world changed. i miss you..... but i dont. i dont want a spotless mind, but can we just dust a little? i learned i need discipline. it just isnt natural to me. sadly.... how can you resist wanting to have that safe feeling in your life again? how can you resist the thought that maybe this time will be different?

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Currently Playing Live By Erykah Badu Searching see related Jumbled Thoughts I am rather happy right now. It overcame me. People are praying for me.... I feel it. Meanwhile back on the ranch I can also feel the pull from the otherside. People dont realize they are allowing they devil to use them. I have to clean out my closet right now. You cant just keep all your old shoes because they are comfy because some of them eventually are going to mess your feet up. You dont want to have bunions and crap for when you get your new shoes.. it will just ruin the experience.You want to start off fresh, nice healthy feet for new shoes. okay new topic. why is my attention span so short. people will capture my attention for a short while and then the next day they are so uninteresting. i want to find someone who can catch my attention for the long term. life right now is just not fair. why cant i be attracted to those who are attracted to me? it just aint happening. is it me or what? if a man calls you at 3 in the morning to meet you (not pick you up) for a bite to eat should you or should you not be offended? how about people who lie and say something is going on between you and them and it's really not? sucks for them to have to carry on the front and the lie. why dont i like to be touched? right now i only want one person to touch me and they are like poison to my life right now. it's sad... i will never be so connected to another. oh well. i am over it except for times like now when it's snowing and you want to just sit and enjoy that person's presence. 5 years is too long...... i am shifting into a new phase. my niceness is slowing leaving me... i have no patience. i am still waiting for my time to shine. am i a dying star or a newly born star? it's all dark matter isn't? searchin... searchin... searchin................ I never dreamed you’d leave in summer I thought you would go then come back home I thought the cold would leave by summer But my quiet nights will be spent alone You said there would be warm love in springtime That is when you started to be cold I never dreamed you’d leave in summer But now I find myself all alone You said then you’d be the life in autumn Said you’d be the one to see the way No, I never dreamed you’d leave in summer But now I find my love has gone away Why didn’t you stay

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Leah 2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? Denim 3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? jennifer lopez: get right 4. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Rosemary's Breast 5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yup 6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Pink 7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? ice cold 8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? one of my brothers 9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? hmmm 10. HOW OLD ARE YOU TODAY? 23 11. FAVORITE DRINK? pink lemonade 12. FAVORITE SPORT? football 13. HAIR COLOR? blue black 14. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yup 15. SIBLINGS? 2 16. FAVORITE MONTH? december 17. FAVORITE FOOD? cheeseburger 18. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? mrs ever's boys 19. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? december 4th 20. WHAT DO YOU DO TO VENT ANGER? cry or xanga 21. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? barbie 22. SUMMER OR WINTER? spring 23. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs 24. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? vanilla 25. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE/ E-MAIL BACK? email 28. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? dorm 29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? 4 days ago 30. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? everything you can think of 31. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? my damn self 32. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? homework 33. FAVORITE SMELLS? burning wood, liquor mixed with a nice cologne and winterfresh gum 34. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? love 35. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? failure 36. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN? butter 37.FAVORITE CAR? who needs favorite cars? 38. FAVORITE FLOWER? alstromeria 39. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 1 40. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no 41. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? wednesday 42. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? salsa party 43. HOW MANY STATES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 2 44. HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN? 2 45. HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST CAR THAT YOU HAD? 0 46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? new orleans

1:20 AM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Ha... It's time to back up and be Leah again. Not Ms. Busy or Ms. Wannabe social. I realize that i am so different from most of my peers. My dad always told me i am trying to be something i am not. i am smart and a nerdy. i will never be the life of the party, i will never be the girl everyone notices and i need to stay in my place. lol. lately i think i forgot my place and kind of thought that people were starting to accept my differeness. one thing about being different is that you are naive to so many things. you may think you do nothing wrong and you can be shunned for it. am i being shunned now? who knows? who cares? because at the end of the day i can curl up in my bed and do my nightdream thing where i can think about how good i am doing with myself and how proud i am that i havent turned into a two faced bitch. i am slowly gettings this "dont care" thing. there is only one thing i care about right now. a week or two ago i could have named 3. so as long as i got my family, some money and i am well slept i'm cool..... haha i am starting to like me so much i am begining to appreciate all the time i get to spend with me. i am finally comfortable with me, in my skin. it's time to celebrate.