the past part II

whew i blog a lot. this is it for now. if you really want to know me holla at my old blog.


Saturday, March 05, 2005

Currently Reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys By Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik see related see the book i am about to read? it was recommended to me and i need it. i am a romantic failure. am i not pretty enough, nice enough, bold enough, forward enough? i dont get it. i dont understand men. i dont even want a relationship. i want someone to chat with and cuddle with. i dont want to be in his face all the time and he damn sure dont need to be in mine. hell... dont even call me. AIM all the way. you dont have to wine and dine me. walk me up to the park and make me a sandwich. notice i said walk. we're college students the car issue can be overcome... i'll have my own soon enough. i am failing at something that all women should be good at. *sigh* i am so tired of being the cute kid sister. Wednesday, March 02, 2005 I was told by someone I need a swagger... a confident swagger. I need to not give a care. Okay I can do that. I can really be on a "i dont give a ..." kind of attitude. That attitude allows a person to be bold. I am trying to do this bold thing and act on impulse in an attempt to try and get what I want. So far it's not working. But the upside it I'm not too embarassed. **LOL** hey, we can't all get what we want. Did I tell you all that someone said i intimidated them. why the hell do i intimidate someone" i'm 5'3'' for goodness sakes (he's about my height). it can't be my attitude because i am very nice. it can't be my look because like someone told me i "ain't no supermodel but i'm pretty". if someone is intimidated by an average girl like me they have some issues they need to handle. *LOL* Leah needs a confident man in her life. He needs to take charge. He needs to be spontaneous.... every thing m*****l ain't (I know you read my shit.) I have someone in mind i think. oh and if you think it's you it's probably not. *LOL* don't dig too deep into my xanga entries. they are not that serious. this just fun for me. it's like an extended aim profile. people put their business on AIM anyway. so i extended it. glad life right now is stress free. people right now are going through WAY WAY WAY too much and i am just glad it ain't me. i am in no rush to be grown and crap. that mess takes too much emotion. i'm emotionally lazy right now. you would be too if you were me. i think i had two months where i cried every day. so why do i need to be all emotional and crap now? i'm cool. Tuesday, March 01, 2005 lets see. where to start? there is something i want really really badly but i can't get it. i cant grasp it.... its so close but sadly i am not doing something right. ever see that scene in pirates of the carribean when the dog is sitting right in front of captain jack sparrow with the keys to his prison cell but he is just out of reach? i feel like that right now. i think i might just give this one up. it aint worth it. the snow is so pretty. so clean. it's going to be sad when it's stained and turned into dirty slush. 1:11 AM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Friday, February 25, 2005 Ha. I'm living the life and it's wonderful. (there was something great here but i accidentally deleted it. oh well) enough of praising myself. i am so happy right now. i think this is the happiest i have been in my life. not because i have some man or some friends or anything superficial like that. it's because i really and truly love myself for me and right now i am not trying to be anyone else. it's so beautiful i could cry. life is really beautiful and i have this appreciation for it that i never had before. Friday, March 11, 2005 so this is my last day in dayton. i accomplished NOTHING i hoped to except i relaxed myself. it was great. now i gotta work off the good 5 or 6 lbs i picked up this week. it can be gone by next week. i noticed it's all going to my thighs which may be bad or good depending on your outlook on things. okay so when i get back to pittsburgh i just need to get refocuses, do my work, continue to do well and try to keep my goal of making the dean's list. i am happy. my daddy treated me great this week. i got all kinds of treats!! i tell you. 2005 has been good. God has been good to me. many folks might think i am heathen because i refuse to go to a church but they dont understand. God and I talk on a regular basis. I talk to him in my most relaxing of moments. i talk to Him in the shower, when i'm walking. if you see me spaced out i'm either talked to God or imagining those romantic, dreamy thoughts i get caught up in. speaking of which. i need to get my head out the clouds. these soap operas have done me in. lol. i am glad to finally be happy, truely happy. all this time i thought i needed someone to make me happy and in actuality all i needed was me. 11:28 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Tuesday, March 08, 2005 just when i say "i'm done. i quit" the thing i want will happen. 4:01 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it the most awesome feeling in the world is cold grease being run down parts in your scalp. i am so weird. i am hypersentive to senses. weird smells are appealing to me and weird feelings are the best to me. i like when fingers are run lightly down the groove in my back all the way down to the small of my back and then run all the way back up again and then back down. i like to be given shivers and goosebumps from touch. it feels great but i love, love, love to have my scalp greased. i love to smell burning wood and i even like the smell of gasoline. i love the smell of cologne and liquor on someone's breath if they've been chewing minty gum. i like the sound of thunderstorms. the like the feel in the air of rain on a warm day. those are my favorite days strangely. those spring and fall days where it's very warm and rain cools everything off and it's slightly humid and the smell of rain is in the air. i love to sit in the park (in a car) on a rainy day, windows slightly open, mist on my skin and enjoy the feel and good conversaton or good silence and good presence while the smell of the rain fills my nostrils. i love spring! i am so glad it's approaching. now who wants to sit in the rain with me? lol. 12:32 AM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Sunday, March 06, 2005 Currently Reading He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys By Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo, Lauren Monchik see related reading my book. great read. so enlightening. guys suck!!!! Tuesday, March 22, 2005 No More Drama I have no drama in my life right now. It's so refreshing and so damn boring. I am really at a plateau. I can go up or i can go down. Nothing interesting going on. No profound loniness. No major fears. I am at ease. It's the strangest thing. I have no crushes. No real enemies. Nothing to dread and nothing to look forward to. This is definatly a calm before a storm. So I wonder what the storm will be. Will it be much needed rain after a drought or will it be a hurricaine? I am home. Time to spend time with my mommy and brothers. I gotta make Aaronkeith like me. Doesn't he have the coolest name. I always say "My brother's name is Aaronkeith. No space, no hyphen, lowercase K." He doesn't want to own his specialness though. Oh no everyone gotta call him Aaron, or Keith, or AK. Shame on him. I'm plain old Leah. Someone calls me a nickname and I think it's the cutest thing ever. I love that nickname. I will never admit to it though because I barely know the person who calls me that. I am surprised he knows my damn name. Oh e-mail address--- you've named me. But that nickname is the best! It makes me smile! 11:04 PM - add Rewards - add Thoughts - email it Tuesday, March 15, 2005 TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: Leah Birthday: 12/0481 Birthplace: New Orleans, Louisiana Current Location: Pittsburgh Eye Color: The darkest, deepest, most sensual brown ever Hair Color: blue black Height: 5'4'' Right Handed or Left Handed: Left Your Heritage: Black The Shoes You Wore Today: White timbs Your Weakness: thick, chocolate men Your Fears: dying, rejection Your Perfect Pizza: Lots of meat and mushrooms Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Dean's List Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL Thoughts First Waking Up: i want to go back to sleep Your Best Physical Feature: lips Your Bedtime: whenever. Your Most Missed Memory: MLE Pepsi or Coke: neither MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King Single or Group Dates: any kind Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino Do you Smoke: no Do you Swear: no Do you Sing: no Do you Shower Daily: of course Have you Been in Love: yes Do you want to go to College: yes Do you want to get Married: yes!!!!!!!!! Do you belive in yourself: yes Do you get Motion Sickness: yes Do you think you are Attractive: YUP Are you a Health Freak: when i need to lose weight Do you get along with your Parents: yes Do you like Thunderstorms: LOVE THEM Do you play an Instrument: no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no In the past month have you Smoked: no In the past month have you been on Drugs: no In the past month have you gone on a Date: no In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no In the past month have you been on Stage: no In the past month have you been Dumped: no In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no Ever been Drunk: no Ever been called a Tease: no Ever been Beaten up: no Ever Shoplifted: no How do you want to Die: in my sleep What do you want to be when you Grow Up: housewife What country would you most like to Visit: kenya In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: any color Favourite Hair Color: any color Short or Long Hair: short Height: 6'0'' and above Weight: anything over 150 Best Clothing Style: preppy thug Number of Drugs I have taken: umm.. does topical acne medicine count? Number of CDs I own: does this include pirated music? Number of Piercings: 2 Number of Tattoos: 0 Number of things in my Past I Regret: who the hell can count