i am considering packing my laptop away.

this one is dedicated to all the stupid moronic assed greeks

just another peculiar ass nupe

christmas special

i dont know about you but i'm getting my man some of these for christmas. i definitly want him rocking these when he picks me up, throws me against the wall and... well look at the pics. LOL

let this shit simmer

wow.... oh Alpha Kappa Alpha...


i see you all are forwarding my blog through email. ohhhh university of pittsburgh. LOL

new horizons?

i got this buddy who was tired of looking at my scuffed white euro timbs. so he bought me some mustard colored leather chukka cut timbs. i am a timberland boot fanatic. i have 6 pairs now. i really dont wear tennis shoes too often but i definitly do timbs. i am so amazed that my newest buddy not only noticed my timb affection but got me some. thats kind of hot. i dont even see them too often. we talk a lot because i am so busy and occasionally in the evening he'll get me and we'll chat. i am liking the fact that i am making new friends. the fact that he got me some shoes really impressed me too. i am not a material chick at all and i really do try to make folks happy. i really spend more money on others than i do myself and i'm happy that i'm not super fixed on money. on the rare occasion that someone does get me something i am always floored. i really decided to look at him little differently than i was before. before i was kind of caught up somewhere else but since i've decided to leave certain friendships as friendships and not want anything more i am kind of seeing my new friend as a potential. AND... he's accessable to me. they said it would happen.

saturday night fever

i am sitting here. dead tired. i didnt get any sleep last night and ran around all day. so i am left looking at the 3 quarter moon and the planets and stars contemplating. i have someone [a friend] in my life right now that is so great in so many ways. its so interesting because its like i cant help but do things for them. i have never been like that before. like i really cant resist making them happier or see them smile. its the craziest thing to go through especially since i'm not in a relationship with them. i dont mind though. they give me a lot more than most other people have. they will sit and talk to me when i need it, chastise me when i need it and not make me feel like an outcast for all my nerdy faults. its a very interesting phenomenon. i am delving into a realm of unknown. unknown and uncontrolled feelings but like i said before i pretty much gave up on all romantic feelings. i proved it to myself on friday night that i can detach myself. i'm glad. it finally has happened and now i dont have to run around with the "another sad love blog" anymore. LOL. life is interesting now.

oh serena

there's so many things wrong

with these pictures and it's not the jumpsuit from 2002.

the white flag

the battle is lost. i gave up. i had to sacrafice something very dear to me but it had to be done. i was getting in too deep and rather lose myself i just gave up. somehow i thought it would go my way. somehow i thought i could sway ideas and thoughts. it just ended up not being my time. its okay. i just never wanted something so badly. in my mind i think i also convinced myself that things were different that what they were.


When I hold you close and we dance
So I’m almost certain….
In some altered reality
I am your man
But..

mixed signals.

age aint nothing but a number

throwing down aint nothing but a thing

today i was told i have problems meeting men because i look young. yeah i look 19 or 20 when i'm nearing 24. i would have taken this info in except for the fact that i see men in my age group (24, 25, 26) dating chicks who are 18 and 19. wtf? i mean really how can you tell me i am having a problem finding someone when the people my age date chicks who ARE the age i LOOK? i'm not even 25 and i already have to deal with the younger women syndrome. my pool is already a fractioned because i want a black man who is about something, who is interesting and i dont want to deal with baby mommas or past criminal records. ever lose the race to someone 5 years your junior? it makes everything 20 million times worse. losing is bad, losing to your inferior is worse, losing to someone who, by my friend's standards, shouldnt have won in the first place due to age is the most awful thing ever.

i'm hating

and her face has nerve to look kind of cute too. why cant i have some ass? God must have gave her all the ass when she came along and closed up shop.

oh i think they like me

today i was on the bus. it was a regular day. i woke up late so i really didnt put too much extra effort into getting dressed this morning. no makeup, no facy clothes, nothing. i'm chilling in my seatlistening to some live jill scott, floetry and alicia keys. i sprinkled a little john mayer into the playlist for extra effect (he does this hot marvin gaye cover). i'm zoned out because i have to mentally prepare myself. me and my crew about to stage a coup but that's neither here nor there. i'm listening to "the way" just getting in the zone, i catch a glimpse of myself in the glass. i am glowing and dreamy eyed. as i'm waiting for my bus to get to my school... the last stop on the route this man passes me. he says something twice but i cant hear him. i take my headphones out and says "i just wanted to tell you that you're so pretty". i am floored. all this time i always though that no one would find me attractive when i wasnt all done up. i even tell my friends "i know i'm no natural beauty". my hair wasnt spectacular, my face not done up. wow, i guess i am kind of cute. lately i have been being told i am simply glowing. so maybe that's it. i wish i knew the reason why so i could keep doing it. LOL. folks would say: love, sex, sucess, infatuation etc make you glow but i have none of that in my life right now. maybe i'm just getting to the point where i like myself for me and my increased confident is shining through.

disclaimed

i put my little thoughts and essays into this blog but some of them (the romantic ones) arent true per say. maybe they are a manifestation of my imagination or other people's stories. i have no leading man in my life, so those essays are not about anyone in particular. they are moreso of a dream i have with twinges of people i know. please dont infer. it makes me feel like to write my blog i now have to be restrained and its my damn blog.

from the day i saw you, i really wanted to catch your eye

yesterday i got lost
in long talks and warm eyes
light brown
flecks of fire from the dancing sun
full visions of full lips on my neck
and manly hands
on the small of my back:
chocolate with butterscotch attached.
withstanding wants of him to emulate my jealousy
i desired to repeatedly hear
the answer to:
"why me?"
(its wishful thinking for me to think its me)
i feel like it's a dream
i'm get lost in the chestnut skin
and the dark cider colored eyes
i'm hypnotized
and that trance brings out
every nurturing, giving, caring fiber in me
i have never been so concerned
about the wellbeing of another
not sharing my blood
ugh
i have woven such a tight web of mistakes
gimme last november back: "young lc, so when are me and you going on a date?"
all i can do is laugh about it and learn.
in the future: never pass on the opportunity given
you will live to regret it
and witness what could have been.
i feel myself falling
and from the deepest pits of my soul,
i'm sending up a wish :
"please bring me someone that will pick me up."




Baby, baby baby from the day i saw you
i really really want to catch your eye
Something special bout you.
I must really like you.
Cause not a lot of guys are worth my time, no.
Ooh baby, baby, baby.
It's gettin' kinda crazy.
Cause you are takin' over my mind.

antisocialism manifested

take a walk on any college campus, ride any bus, sit in any starbucks, walk down any downtown street and all you see today are people with those inconspicuous, white, in ear head phones. you look around their body and see no buldge from a cd player. for long rides you notice they dont change their cds. why? it's the IPOD generation. everyone has an IPOD shuffle, mini, nano or (if they have a brain) they have some other mp3 drive. you see them everywhere, from the city streets to the park trails. along with this phenomenon is the fact that no one is forced to speak anymore. see someone you dont want to talk to? bury yourself in your ipod. dont say hi while walking down the street. if you bump someone, save your breath, they wont hear your apology because they're fully into their mp3 player. americans, especialliy northern americans, have been heading down the straight and narrow antisocial path for a while. while in the past they have been considered rude they now have an excuse for walking past you without acknowledgement: "i was too into my song".







unless, of course, they're foxy brown. I KID!! LOL

spittle

imagine walking down the street. you see a blood tampon laying there for you to see. all the mucus and flesh is there too. oh, yeah make that a bloody pad. that's better. how about a nice used condom complete with semen oozing out? i mean an unused condom outside the wrapper just doesnt incite the same disgust as the one with bodily fluid in it does it? and it's the FLUID which disgusts us right? i mean the MUCOUSY COLORED fluid. so tell me this: why is it okay for you to spit your yellow, brown, white and grey (smokers is usually black and bloody) mucus filled spit on the street for everyone to see? this repulses me. i openly SCOWL at ANYONE i see doing this. dear spring tide had the foresight to say "well not everyone was raised like you" because i was telling her how CLASSLESS AND UNCOUTH it is to spit on the street. you can get caned in asia and fined in europe for spitting on the street. you can get disease if someone spits on you and you mean to tell me it's how i was raised that i dont like it? yeah my first thought is that you should swallow it. i mean if it was meant to come out it would have diverged to your nose instead of heading straight down your throat or HEY you would have COUGHED it out.i mean that's what a COUGH is for. it's your body's way of pulling crap out. anytime you have to HACK to get something out there's a problem. but on second though most classy people i have seen either excuse themselves or spit in a napkin. you ever see anyone with old money snorting and snotting to get the mucus out and then spitting it right on the street? its classless pure and simple and anyone who thinks otherwise is guilty of it. ever slipped on frozen spit? ever been spit on (intentionally and unintentionally). ever had to ride a ride at an amusement park and have someone's mucus hang above you because a previous rider misaimed? well i have and the crap isnt fun. here's a tip. kleenex makes these handy tissues in small pocket packs for about $.75. if it's that serious invest in a pack. enough of the damn excuses for your nastiness and keep your bodily fluids out my sight.

i *heart* my friends

i heart my 3 1/2 friends (1/2 rotates)

first my LS, my #8: hot tamale who listens to my problems on aim like every day. the only person who gave me a chance and the person who helped me to become who i am. from size 14 to size 8. zero to hero, she was my friend and now she's my sister for life.
my tail: spring tide as young as she is she is there for me. she says what i cant say and does the things i cant do. clearly my more social half and still puts up with me when i complain.
kriss/maryland/ct: best quotes ever at the best times. helped the asshole in me come out. yeah he's responsible for my little change this year. i cant imagine 2005 without him. he single handedly made my whole summer.
ajm/the "special" twin: i cant even use his damn line name because i swear we act like we dont know each other in public (if you all pay attention he's the only one i fake hug LOL but you might catch the sideways glances and acknowledgements from across the room). holds me down like NO OTHER. i'd do anything for him because he has seen my WORST side and he STILL is there for me. he's even shrinked me and diagnosed me. such a brilliant man with a wonderful temperment. my special twin because he's like... me just perfected. he makes the most sense out of anyone i know. the temperment of a king, the strength of a warrior... i really look up to him.


i love you all. :o)

the morning after

ever woke up and just regretted every little thing you said the night before? well dammit, i can be a mean bitch sometimes. i didnt even know for real until i thought about it. if i get mad enough i will be mean. i regret those mean things sometimes they are not even true. they are just born out of contempt for situations. LOL my head hurts and my stomach is turning.



i wish i could take the bad things back because some other things i said were some of the most honest and true things ever.i would never have said them otherwise.i am glad they are out there and its known. it would be a shame for me to waste those thoughts by not being spoken. while i will never utter them again... i know i wont have another chance to i am happy they are out. as weird as the evening was i am so happy i said what i had to say and even for a second feel what i wanted to feel: really safe and secure.