end of the year redemption

1. as much as i hate "the other" for talking bad about me/us, i discuss them talking about me/us just as much as they may discuss me/us. and i add in little hateful things too like calling one "the tipdrill ass horse bitch". that felt good.

2. this summer i did something i have never done in my life and it was amazingly satisfying. i still dont feel guilty.

3. as much as i struggled over what i couldnt have, i realized God put someone in my life to remind we why it was GOOD i couldnt have it. they repeat it to me time and time again and are constantly there to laugh at me when i realize how much my image of the situation is counter to the reality.

4. aka was my downfall this semester. my grades took a little hit so now i have to take 18 credits and get all A's to make my GPA pretty again. i figure i can pick up an IS minor to go along with my business minor.

5. i love that i have met money savvy young people. i now have a pretty savings nest and a feeling of slight security that others my age and older dont have.

6. my dad scares me.

7. my mom scares me too sometimes.

8. i feel awful that i am just graduating but in my defense i needed 2 years to get my mind right and i took it. i'm not that much older than people who actually went to the same school straight through and are graduating.

9. at least i am graduating.

10. there are people who i dont like that, while i dont talk to, i give them a smile sometimes. they are still my friend on facebook and sometimes i check their pages. i think for the new year i will purge my friends list. why be fake?

11. AKA isnt getting me into heaven.

12. i am on my grown woman.

13. my new young girls are great even though i gave them (and still do) give them a hard time. its not so bad now, they finally see the light and what i have been saying.

14. i really dont regret not having the opportunity to get right anymore. people would still talk shit. i figure i did my version of pure hell over the course of a year and if thats not good enough for anyone else "fuck em".

15. if you hate my driving... fuck you. if you comment on my driving and dont have even a license im going to look at you, smirk and tell you "better safe and sorry" and think about how wack you are to comment on what i'm doing safely.

16. i let myself be used way to much. i need to learn the word NO. i got an early start on that resolution.

17. the person who was resolution number 1 is no longer my vice and therefore is no longer a resolution.

18. there's a girl i never met that i looked at like she was beyonce: the celebrity you never met that has what you want. she still doesnt know i exist and i no longer care if she does.

19. i want to get along better with my brother. the world has turned its back on me and i couldnt even tell my family what was going on. i cried alone in my bed and hid the tears.

20. i wanted a rabbit for christmas... so sue me.

21. i partook one last time and it was the worst yet... i'm definitly over it.

22. i desperatly want to lose 10 more lbs, finally want my hair to grow, and to be stylish in the new year.

23. i secretly dream to the tune of r&b all day and i wish i could stop.

24. i hate working, i am only doing it for a reference letter or else i'd quit and enjoy my senior year.

25. my dad gives me beaucoup money and i dont feel bad that i'm 24. i'm spoiled, and i love it and i am going to stop hiding it because you all think its unacceptable for a 24 year old to be dependant on her parents. i aint married so, shit.... its tradition.

26. i am really angry my inheiritance washed away during the hurricane. i want to be angry with my uncle for losing it but he is a really nice man and he has his own internal struggles and i cant bring myself to feel that way.

27. love wasnt trying to evade me this year, i was evading it.

28. i am scared of a new relationship, as much as i talk that shit about being hurt so bad by my ex and wanting a new "boo" i am scared to death.

29. i dont want a boyfriend. i really just want a cuddle buddy to watch movies with that doesnt have a girlfriend and that will like to kiss me sometimes (no tongue).

30. i am embarassed to let people come to my house because of where it is and how small it is regardless of the fact that my mom doesnt make much money. (my dad got a raise....)

31. i was anti ipod because i wanted to be different and i couldnt afford a quality ipod when i got my mp3 player.

32. my long distance relationship didnt fail for any of the reasons i gave. they were excuses and didnt make any sense.

33. when i was in new orleans someone called me and we would talk for hours about nothing and everything and i enjoyed those conversations more than anything at the time. i now regret that more than anything i've done this year. for multiple reasons but the main one is that i spent less time with my grandfather than usual and he thought i was mad at him. i wished i could sit in the rocking chair with him one more time or nap on the chinese sofas.... its all gone. the next week he was stuck in jersey, his wife missing between layfaytte and hattiesburg and his son thought to be washed away.

34. i regret the entire end ouf august: i wasted myself.

35. i miss my friend/ls/ex-roomie and say i dont like the phone so i dont have to call her but i hate that i dont have much to talk to her about anymore. i'll just stick to visiting her. i am scared of losing that friendship.

36. i secretly like saying i'm 24 so everyone can tell me i look so young.

37. i secretly despise my org. never want to wear the letters, gave all my stuff away and am contemplating going inactive. i just want to go to boule and the centennial celebration. after that i quit. i dont love it, i'm bitter about it.

38. this one follows from 37 but i could never bring myself to type it. its sacreligous.

39. every time i pray my mind distracts me. i tell myself its the devil keeping me from praying because i'm scared that i am not really interested.

40. i feel good about this but i have one more secret that i want to sent to postsecret.....

41. i am growing addicted to shopping because i never had anything when i was younger. i am not addicted to full priced items.... i am addicted to sales.

42. i am scared people think i have AIDS because my geographical tongue has qualities of hairy leukoplakia.

43. i beleive everything my young girl says about him. everything i said to him in my moment of anger i beleived. i lied and said it was done in the heat of the moment but in reality i was so calm.

44. i used my blog to put things on blast in a subtle way because i know a lot of you are nosy as hell and have a good idea of what i am talking about.

45. i am glad a dude with a girly mouth saw me yesterday, fuck being a secret friend.

the most disgusting thing i have ever seen (not safe for work)

oh my

santa was good to me.... no car with a bow outside sadly. my brother got a damn amp for his bass that cost WELL over the downpayment for a small car (over $1,000). but i got some diesel shoes (chocolate brown of course), the entire sex and the city set, a dvd player and an ipod video. if you look at my christmas list thats damn near all i asked for (although i specified no ipod). i really didnt want the ipod but hell, it's a gift. i'm happy!

spread a little love on christmas day

i am sitting in bed, early christmas morning. my father has flipped out on me, someone has swinddled me out my christmas money, my left ear is about 40% hearing impaired (no joke, all i hear is ringing.), my mother refuses to accept her part in my father berating me. when i got cussed the hell out at 8 am this morning i called someone to talk me through. i'll be damned, i am STILL surprised at who the first person i called was. i was thankful to have that because if i couldnt talk to them i swear i'd be in a really bad place right now. i am deep in thoughts, i see notification after notification of people putting their away messages up. here's a taste of them:
"ba humbug", "i remember when i used to be excited on christmas eve", "wake me when its over", "most awful christmas ever", "all i want for christmas is some ho ho ho's". wtf? christmas seems like the most miserable day of the year. between people my age saying they have nothing to look forward to, my mother miserably wrapping gifts like its a chore, women in line in kaufmann's ready to cuss the clerk out, people complaining about not getting monday off; its starting to seem like once you're over the age of 12 christmas doesnt mean shit. i am so sad that no one around me is really looking forward to the day. its really a sign of the times and my age. it saddens me but i know there's nothing i can do. i want to wish everyone reading this a blessed day, another day of life, and peace and joy. i am trying to get at peace with myself but i noticed everyone around me also has tormented minds in some degree. please use the day for contemplation, peace and serenity. if you want to cry, let the tears free. if you have someone you love, let them know. merry christmas!

negros aint shit

why is my homey maryland getting so much pleasure out of this? dammit, i wanna say his ass aint shit too but he's wonderful. anyway..... enjoy.
http://media.987kissfm.com/_SHARED/podcasts/crankgonebad.mp3

Photoblog: The Ignorance of Blacks a.k.a. Another Strike Against Collective Black Dignity b.k.a Straight Niggershit: Tookie's Funeral

This negro has more people at his funeral that Richard Pryor. Let me get this straight... You brutally murder people and not only do you not deserve the death penality but you get Tim Robbins, Jesse Jackson and other at your funeral and along with soulful singing and celebrities? Gimme a break.... wake the hell up!

Photoblog: Snoop Gimme a Break: Tookie Williams Funeral (cont.)

someone pass snoop the kleenex, from the crip side please.




this negro is the only one who has a right to be mourning because he really is the only one who should look up to the things tookie did.





lord help us...

free jolly jenkins!

i love postsecret.blogspot.com

Big in 2005 Awards

I would like to thank:

Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated for making sure i never have a dull day.
Spring Tide for holding me down 90% of the time.
Jealous Bitches for breaking me down
Me for building me back up
CT/Maryland/Kriss/Absolute Zero/0 Degrees Kelvin for making an asshole out of me and making my fingers type more vulgar words than i could ever say.
The distinguished brothers of all the NPHC Fraternities for making me feel pretty (dammit i got y'all all covered except Iota Phi Theta and I saw some sexy Iotas recently....)
CT/Maryland/Kriss/Absolute Zero/0 Degrees Kelvin for breaking my man drought no matter how short lived the relationship was. For treating me like someone important for that short time (he flew me to maryland and drove 7 hours to bring me to Cedar Point and stand for hours on a bad ankle)
To the person who just said this to me over AIM: "ive been watching the addtions and subtractions to your page...let me say...you are seriously one of the most beautiful women i have ever almost met" for making my day.
To my homey/"special" twin for being one of the only greeks to show me MAD LOVE constantly and consistantly. For being real with me most of the time and for holding me down in private. And for giving me my first greek gifts since I was initiated (even though i have made MAD gifts for others)
To my old friend/ex for giving me years of issues that I have worked through and become stronger as a result.
To my "interests" for being TRASH and making me strengthen myself that much more because they are walking us to the guillotine because of their foolishness.
To my INTERESTS for being some of the most wonderful women in the world.
To Carlow for putting me in mad debt to get the education i needed.
To Pitt for only making me waste about $5000 to learn i can function in large schools.
To everyone who accepts my gracious giving and doesnt appreciate it for making me a bitter assed bitch who is about to be selfish as shit.
To A-Step for letting me realize how good it feels to share the knowledge.
To Maryland for being the state of my dreams
To Hurrican Katrina for being a bad bitch and wiping out a big part of my life.
To Tequilla for showing me why its not fun to be drunk. Everytime i smell or think i taste you i get sick.
To my homey for being there the first time i got drunk and holding my kinky twists out the toilet as i threw up and holding me down as i passed out. LOL
To long walks for making me slimmer and making bitches even more jealous.
To my dad for keeping me dressed to impressed and keeping those jealous chicks hate even more.
To jealousy for making me go out my way in every way to try and win that prize, to try and prove myself, to try and be the best i could be in their eyes.
To failure for bringing me back to reality.
To my mouth for having oral diarrhea when it came to the prize.
To common sense for yelling at me and telling me that no one deserves all that i give.
To unconditional caring for making me overlook common sense.
To remorse, you never fail to kick in 10 seconds after i turn to leave.
To my beautiful mind for making me constantly wonder if i am really as great as i think i am and as i have been told since i could never get the thing i tried the hardest to get.
To negros who live double lives you've hurt my feelings more than you know. I stay strong, keep smiling, appreciate the friendship and go with the flow but in actually i am crumbling inside. you single handedly chip away at my self worth by your flip flopping. either you want it or you dont.

hmmmm

apparently this is the broke nigga's guide to working a giving chick. i'm a giving chick...

1. Play your position
2. Cater to her every need
3. Be there no matter what
4. Act like you the best nigga ever to her
5. Don't do anything financial that's joint or solely in her name
6. When she gives you money bank that shit
7. Don't ask her for shit, nothing zlitch, zero
8. Don't ask her to buy you shit
9. Kinda turn down anything she offers to you
10. With the money you have, buy your own shit and have it in your own name. Cellphone, car, insurance etc
11. set yourself up with an apartment that she doesn't know about so when push come to shove your good.

well. the one thing i do know is that when i'm graduated i'm gone. i wont be dipping back into the college pot. hurry up may! i'm officially done with everyone except those i HAVE to be around. if you're looking for me i wont be on facebook, i wont be on aim and my phone will be turned off. i am taking my own retreat for my birthday weekend.