a man's advice

If you find a female that you vibe with, keep her ass around. Don't fuck up a good thing because you think that the other 5 milion sistahs you haven't hit yet won't be available anymore. Most of they asses didn't want you anyway.

Women are natural caregivers and if you get them to start doing stuff for you then you have a good chance of obtaining that woman---women don't do shit for people they don't like!

If you go through some shit and and she rides right at your side through it, keep that female forever and make sure you treat her like a queen, she's probably the only hoe you ever fucked with that deserved it.






interesting

if you dont care you dont comment.

regurgitation

this is reflux of the summer. i need an outlet.


i was just told that i did nothing for someone. let me explain to you all the circumstances. this person spun their little sob story about how they always cared about others and no one ever cared about them. about how they were left emotionally stranded and confused by someone they thought they loved. i cared from day one. i ask them about themselves and cared to know from day one. to the point where i asked questions that they never thought of the answers to because no one cared enough to ask. from day i realized i wanted to be a friend to this person i decided to do for them everything i could because they made it seem like no one else did or cared.

me doing and caring was all in my imagination apparently. thats okay. at least in my imagination i cared about the person genuinely.

congrats to my soror for her brand new "lil skee phi blessing".

seasonal shopping

i am a coat fanatic


edited to add that i now own this coat. hehehehe

facing the book

it was late april. i just met you. so sweet to me. you made me laugh and were a gentleman. not a trace of coldness. simple and to the point. simplicity is so sweet. i dont like the phone and neither do you. i randomly facebooked your school. there you were. you didnt remember my name but luckily you remembered my LS. i aim-ed you. you were at work. i learned that it was not mcdonalds but a real man's 40/week, doing big things type thing. the first conversation i forgot until now. it was hours......
the crush was immediate but shyness didnt fade away so quickly.




it's almost been 5 months. it's full circle now. i dont even talk to you anymore. i want to miss you but you told me not to.


its okay.

the crowning glory

black people have been trained to an european standard of beauty. it started in slavery. i dont think i need to go into the very details of it. those of you who dont know should pick up a book and educate yourselves. black men idolize the most european looking of ethnic women everyday. all you have to do is turn on a music video. black women have hated their kinks for years. they relax and weave their hair up. admittedly i have a relaxer now but i have gone for year intervals without relaxing only to get frustrated at the amount of work it takes (i relax not out of self hate but out of laziness). my LS was just saying how she wishes her hair was shorter because it gives more options. i agree with her. i keep my hair short but i have had a lot of styles. her hair is pretty much: curly ponytail, straight ponytail, down and curly, straight and curly. so why so black women not take advantage of the versatility our texture gives us? instead we weave it up, dye, relax and ultimatly break off our hair to no end. you wont see me with blonde hair. why? because I LOVE my dark hair color. my hair crowns my beauty. i love myself to no end. i love my skin. i would never want to be another ethnicity. i hope the trend continues in the black community and we can ignore our men who still lust in ways slave owners have conditioned them to.

penis envy

why are men so strange about their penises? you see popups for men to enlarge their penis sizes. men are you afriad of what a woman might think of your penis? to the point where you hide it and stuff? answer me this. if it's that serious why even have sex with someone you're not comfortable enough to show your most vulnerable parts. many of you want to stick your penises everywhere but on the same token many of you are shamed. its a sad thing that sex has been perverted to the point where you can have sex with someone you dont feel comfortable with. what happens if someone gets pregnant? i bet you havent even had that discussion with many of your partners. and if you havent dont get mad if the chick keeps the baby. you didnt ask her her stance on abortion or birth control. men take control of your penises. be proud of them and only share them with someone you care about. then when it's time to have sex you wont be flipping her over to put the condom on so she wont see what you're working with.

its great to be crazy

crushes

why is it when you get a taste of what you want... you dont want it anymore. i got a taste of what i could have had and while that little taste made me want it more for a short period, eventually the feelings went away. i realized... people aint quite what they seem. when you chip away at the candy coated exterior you see them for what they are and realize that you really can judge a man by the company he keeps.

...it isnt the victory after all

EMILY ROSE

burning wood is my favorite smell... unfortunatly when i smell it now i am always afriad 6 demons are about to possess me.

the fresh start

i relaxed my hair. i went to roundup and they had us running around doing some amazing race shit and i sweat my hair out. twice in 3 days. so i said BUMP THAT. i relaxed it. and in a couple weeks it will be blue black with long tracks. yes i'm glamming it up. i decided to go on a liquid diet and lose a bunch of weight and finally go to the dermatologist. i'm on a mission to look the best i ever looked. my wonderful ls got me an interview for a teaching job that pays $16/hour afterschool so i can quit this atm processing shit. new look, new job, new attitude. oh yeah... i finally decided to ignore the dead weight in my life. if your ass is negative, trying to use me, or plain old evil your number is deleted and i will screen calls if neccesary. bump ex bfs, bump dudes who try to exploit former attractions to them, bump negative, petty, obessive, self consumed chicks, bump fake people. i dont have time. im starting 2006 early.

informal proof

if you act intellectually superior then you are insecure

1. you act intellectually superior (hypothesis)
2. you are not insecure (by raa [reducto ad absurdum] hypothesis)
3. you do not lack self confidence (by definition)
4. you have nothing to prove (by definition)
5. you make a written record of actions (by step one and definition of acting)
6. you make a record of your actions of superiority
7. you have something to prove (by contridiction of 4 and 6)
8. you lack self confidence (by definition and step 7)
9. you are insecure (conclusion)

halfcrazy

half assed serenades mixed with genuine efforts. lyrics which trigger ideas of true experiences.

Never thought that we would ever be more than friends
Now I'm all confused cause for you I have deeper feelings
We both thought it was cool to cross the line
And I was convinced it would be alright
Now things are strange, nothings the same
And really I just want my friend back

And my mind's gone half crazy cause I can't leave you alone (
And I'm wondering if it's worth me holding on

I'd hate walk away from you as if this never existed
Cause when we kissed the moment after I looked at you different
Lately I gotta watch what I say
Cause you take things personally nowadays
You used to laugh now you get mad
Damn I just want my friend back

What happened to the one I used to know
The one I used to laugh and joke with
The one I used to tell all my secrets
We used to chill and be down for whatever whenever together

intellectual arrogance is a sign of insecurity.

skinny folks should die 'cause i'm fat

ever see a fat person visit an amusement park for the first time? they are always shocked and awed at the fact that they cant ride shit. you usually hear these complaints "there's a bias, we should sue, we should start a letter writing campaign" etc. etc. etc. okay folks listen and listen closely. the average woman is 5'4'' and a size 12 which means she weighs about 150-160. thats cool. kinda overweight and not obese. guess what? i was 5'4'' and 186 lbs, i still fit on the rides. to not fit on the rides you have to be GROSSLY obese. i'm talking a stomach the size of me. you must want small people to slip out the ride because you feel some sense of entitlement from amusement parks. i bet you'd have a shit fit if they made a special "fatty car" with wider restraints. then you'd complain "segregation". why do we have to tippy toe around fat folks? you tell a smoker they live a horrible lifestyle and not a fat person? its more socially acceptable to be a racist than a person who shuns fat folks openly. i am sorry but as someone who has lost 50 lbs, and is on the lazy side, i have no sympathy. read the below post secret. i am extra hard on fat folks. if i have to eat shitty slim fast and lean cuisine then so do you. why are you allowed to eat whatever the fuck you want while i have to count calories? why are you the one with the largest plate of food at the buffet? why are you the one always eating junk foods? this makes me sick to see. and why is it more acceptable to tell me i'm chubby than to tell some obese chick she's obese? what a world we live in when fatties have become mainstream and it's been okay to basically wear a built in sign which says "i'm causing healthcare rates to sky rocket and i'm killing myself and theres nothing you can do about it or anything that i want to do about it".

Why Come? (yes its hood but i dont care)

Why come folks who dine in at fast food joints buy large sized sodas.... usually there's free refills.
Why come love that we cannot have lasts the longest, feels the strongest, hurts the deepest?
Why come you can vibe with someone on so many levels and have to force everything you feel to go away due to circumstance?
Why come I cant keep anyone's attention for more than a couple weeks?
Why come folks put on fronts when you initially meet and get to know each other. Within a couple months the real them reveals itself and you both end up disappointed?
Why come Bush supporters are the least likely to admit the shortcomings of their political stances?
Why come folks in the united states still manage to be insensitive to the value of human life?
Why come folks are so selfish that unless something affects them directly (i.e. in their pockets) they dont care?
Why come I cant get over the feeling of being compelled to give constantly.
Why come other folks can be like me? Instead of being so selfish everyone's needs would be taken care of because there is always someone there to look out for you?
Why come people take genuine generosity for granted? You give a little and they expect more even if you just gave them your last pot to piss in.


more to come..

I was supposed to catch a matinee with a friend but it looks like i have a meeting and OOPS i wont be able to call. Darn it.....

analyst predict $5/gallon for regular. why dont folks listen to me. i was saying this yesterday and tons of people shut me down. i cant help it i'm right.

the world is ending

first katrina, then rita now this? someone needs to go interpret notstradamus again.


WICHITA, Kan. - One person required stitches and a mother and son were arrested after two drill teams began brawling during an impromptu "dance off," Wichita police said.

"This is a whole new arena" of crime, said Wichita police Lt. Jeff Easter.

The Dynamic Steppers, a Wichita drill team, were practicing routines Saturday night when members of another drill team, the White Tigers, showed up and challenged the others to a "dance-off," police said.

When the challengers appeared to be losing, a woman struck a 17-year-old Dynamic Steppers drummer in the face with a drumstick, Easter said.

The teen, who had left the White Tigers to join the Dynamic Steppers, punched the 28-year-old woman in the face. He then ran toward his Ford Explorer and tried to run over spectators, witnesses told police.

The boy's mother, who is a Dynamic Steppers coach, grabbed a box cutter and sliced the other woman's right arm, Easter said. The wound required eight stitches.

An estimated 50 people became involved in the altercation, although only two were facing charges on Monday.

The mother was booked on suspicion of aggravated battery for cutting the other woman, Easter said, and the son faced charges of simple assault and aggravated assault. More charges are possible, police said.

random midday ramblings

SweetLea81:  are you coming to our program?
“the special twin”: when is it?
SweetLea81: friday
SweetLea81: lawd boy you dont pay me no attention
SweetLea81: thats so wack
SweetLea81: it's friday
“the special twin”: i do rmemeber
“the special twin”: adn your wack
SweetLea81: why am i wack?
SweetLea81: i pay attention to you
SweetLea81: i cant say that it's reciprocated
“the special twin”: it is
“the special twin”: i did remember
“the special twin”: the 23
SweetLea81: yeah yeah
“the special twin”: sex for play
“the special twin”: i know i know
SweetLea81: whatever twin
SweetLea81: you're so damn wack
“the special twin”: lol
“the special twin”: you're momma is wack
SweetLea81: yo daddy's wack
SweetLea81: >:o
“the special twin”: aaron keith is wack
SweetLea81: kristy's wack
SweetLea81: and
SweetLea81: it's aaronkeith
SweetLea81: see
SweetLea81: you're like wack to the 10th power
“the special twin”: that's even wacker
SweetLea81: i TOLD your wack ass no spaces
SweetLea81: you're wacket
SweetLea81: *wackest
“the special twin”: that's why its wack
SweetLea81: lol
“the special twin”: wacket??
“the special twin”: lol
SweetLea81: leave me alone
“the special twin”: wack ass
SweetLea81: did i ever tell you i only type with 7 fingers
“the special twin”: you got a lisp?
“the special twin”: tennis wacket
“the special twin”: lol
SweetLea81: LMAO
“the special twin”: 7 fingers
SweetLea81: LEAVE ME ALONE
“the special twin”: that's wack
SweetLea81: you know what?
SweetLea81: we're going to fight
SweetLea81: i'm going to punch you right in the kisser
“the special twin”: yeah right
“the special twin”: you cant reach
“the special twin”: wack ass
SweetLea81: i am sorry i'm short
SweetLea81: but i'm still cute
SweetLea81: so dont hate
SweetLea81: wack ass hater
“the special twin”: lol
“the special twin”: cute and wack
SweetLea81: i dont care how wack i am
SweetLea81: i'm on the higher side of cute
SweetLea81: hater
SweetLea81: my cuteness negates my wackness
SweetLea81: now. what you got going for you?
“the special twin”: chocolate mangina

Now i done had lot of relationships. Aint none of them ever added to shit. My folks always told me what you wish be careful cause that one thing you might just get. so i prayed to the lord to show me love. send me something like an angel from up above....

I now understand what midnight blue is. I am looking at it now but its not midnight.

shhh its a secret

being silly

i call that one "must be the money"

remember

http://www.markfiore.com/animation/twoyear.html

i am taking a blogger break. on top of an everything else break. why? my mind and body are giving out on me. i am tired of everything. school, family, and this damn special assed situation i have gotten myself in. it's time to stop being all damn cute and just accept what i have become. between pictures and words i got confused in the messages i was being sent. well fuck it. i'm through with it. time to leave my ass alone. i'm sick (again) and by myself in my house. if this doesnt seem familiar. i'm tired of giving, giving, giving, giving, and never receiving. NEVER receiving ever. i'm just weary and have had enough.

clear like crystal

things have a funny way of revealing themself to you. all of a sudden circumstances reveal themselves and you realize why things are the way they are. why people act the way they act. everything becomes so clear and makes it easier to do what you gotta do. things you think people say in jest are actually reality: "move it right along". point taken!

case of the ex

today my ex and i were on the texting thing. we do that occasionally. why did he tell me "i dont want to see you because it would hurt because i always thought we should have never stopped talking." wtf is that supposed to mean? he gets model chicks. what he want with plain ol me? i'm cute and all but i'm not a model chick by far. i am still trying to figure out what it is about me that keeps drawing him back. i ran my last bf away in one month's time. but good ol mike keeps coming back to leah. we wont ever get back together but just that fact that he thinks like that concerns me. see, if i was a gold digger i'd be over there with him right now. he has money and i'd have it too. but i am not like that. granted, i dont get wined, dined or courted but dealing with my ex is straight selling my soul to the devil. i have come to terms with the fact that no man is really going to treat me like i treat them so why even deal with my ex? such an interesting week.

I am going to end up an old maid. A Damn spinster. Eternally alone. I need to get used to it.

crack is wack yall!!!! poor jodeci: a photoblog

devante you used to be sexy




negro if you dont pull that damn shirt down.





see this mess is ridiculous. i had a real good moment once to some jodeci music and now i see how messed up they are looking and it totally taints it for me (i'm exaggerating. i had that moment in my head for daaaayyyyysssss. like i was on some drugs but that's neither here nor there.)

damn jodeci. crack kills... your bodies, faces AND careers.

i miss my ex

why? because he knew what makeup i wear and would always pick me up a mac lipglass. i need my nico and prr. where the rest of the generous men at? damn... i just wanna be treated like a special lady every now and then. impress me dammit. and dont just do it because you want me to be a jumpoff. you and can try and make me a jumpoff and save yourself some money. lol. sorry that's just the mood i'm in. it will pass.

Acheiving Supreme Asshole Status

click above to read in entirety or just read my fav parts:


Personal and Business are Separate - A true asshole knows how to separate business from pleasure. This is a sign of an asshole, because apparently 99% of the human population doesn’t know how to do this. I can cuss someone out during a meeting and knock back a beer and chill with them the next. Why? Cause business is business. I don’t have any friends when it comes to business…everyone is a competitor. I play to win. If people get their feelings hurt over business, there is nothing I can do about that.

Who Cares? – Why pretend you like listening to what someone is telling you or showing you? Save both yourselves the time and effort and just let them know up front that you could give a ‘rat’s ass’. I usually will listen the first time and then say something like “I don’t know much about it” or “I don’t really think about it” or “It’s not a big deal to me” and then change the subject. That is the cue to never bring that up again cause next time I’m not going to pay attention. Start talking to me about the latest MTV or BET fiasco and you’ll see me lose attention quickly.


yeah so if you're going to dislike me i'll give you a good reason. just give me a week.

i'm a hater. ask about me, ask about me.

at this point i wish i had the mental strength to hate. then i wouldnt be so grief ridden. as soon as i get stuff settled in my life, then i'll find time to hate (i mean i am hearing stories about my family having nervous breakdowns left and right. a little girl got murdered in the superdome and a family member watched her die). dont worry! i'll find something even if i dont know it. i always am in something and dont know it. a bitch can be in her dorm room twiddling her thumbs and she's in something. thats okay though, at least you know who i am and when i'm big you can say "she hated on me back when.. i was IMPORTANT". LOL oh yeah i wanted to leave y'all this:

Main Entry: 2hate
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): hat·ed; hat·ing
transitive senses
1 : to feel extreme enmity toward (hates his country's enemies)
2 : to have a strong aversion to : find very distasteful (hated to have to meet strangers) (hate hypocrisy)
intransitive senses : to express or feel extreme enmity or active hostility
- hat·er noun
- hate one's guts : to hate someone with great intensity



where did i find time to develop an emotion, let alone an emotion of hate? ponder. holla back or something. i know you read this.

shoveling shit called sugar

i wanna be spiteful. there was more here but to type it would let you know how much i actually ended up caring.

jagged edges and visions

i'm having visions of this guy i keep wanting
waking up like 6 in the morning
feeling like it really cant be healthy
does he wanna be with me?
i need to know....

i love this song

get over it

i am over whatever i was feeling. it didnt last long. i had to give myself a pat on the back and tell myself what a quality chick i am. i had forgot that i am quite special. it's time to phase back to where i was back in march. that mind set was the best!! i promise myself i wont get caught up like this again.

Blessed are you who are now hungry, for you will be satisfied

i am a nurturer and giver at heart. i am always the one to make other folks feel better. its like thats my main goal in life. i will even sacrafice my own feelings to make others feel better. now often times, this is good enough for me. i am satisfied in seeing others feel better. right now though, i dont. its not good enough anymore. why? because i am 23 and have yet to receive what i give. i cant do it anymore. i went to bed trying to understand what it would be like to have me as a friend. im a damn good friend, girlfriend, lover. whatever. why is that? because i always give more and i am satisfied with so little. i have a humble spirit but why cant i just once get what i want? so i decided to retire. i'll stick with my one friend who does for me what i do for them. she doesnt live here but hell... she's my one friend and i'll stick with her. i'm hungry. i need to be filled up. my generosity is on E. it wants to come out but i am so weary with feeelings of unappreciation. it scares me that i am thinking this way. but the past few months have really taught me some things.

3x5, Glossy Paper, Gold Frame

i never felt such an icy feeling
never has a picture made me feel so much
it washed away doubt
replaced with the definite
a face to the name
confirmation... i caught what i didnt want to






gotta stop it now.
the twinge i felt i am going to deny
but i know it was real
je... i cant even type it.
its too foreign to me to even exist.

FUCK CARLOW

first off i am already angry. i have a mountain of concerns on my shoulders and i am gradually falling apart. i try to talk to people about it and they give me fucking attitude. my phone is off for another 2 hours because daddy forgot to pay the bill and sprint "nigga pcs" SAYS they open at 7 am cst but it was 7:25 their time and they asses still werent answering. so i get to carlow with this rental car so i can go to my 10-10:50 class. i get there and i cant get a temp pass because there's a funeral on campus. i explain i have a car because of the hurricane and my mother is in louisiana. these bitches want to tell me "we went to the meter 5 times already and a monthly pass is $80" WHAT THE FUCK?????? MY WHOLE FAMILY IS HOMELESS AND YOUR DUMB ASS WANTS TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR METER PROBLEMS? first off if you would have gotten your privledged white ass in school (you work at a school you can go here for FREE) you wouldnt be sitting behind a desk at some school venting about having to pay a damn meter. so i SPAZZ THE FUCK OUT, which i dont do often but i have done before. i ask for our new president's number and these idiots dont recognize i am asking for the WHOLE number NOT THE EXTENSION and tell me they cant give me her personal. if i want her personal shit i would get it, i am asking for 7 numbers dummy. i storm out and go to upmc presby garage. thank god i am cute because the man isnt supposed to allow me to park there but he allows me to as long as i am back by 11. i have a feeling he is going to ask me for something in return, i could tell by the way he was looking at me. i'll throw him a date, its the least i can do. the situation is half way good except i have a 1 pm class as well. i park my car and put my head down. tears in my eyes. its all too much and i feel like i really dont have anyone i can call on. with everything else going on in my life i am starting to break down at this point. these people have me screaming, crying, throwing tantrums, and acting like a pure idiot. i need a vacation. i need my ONE true friend to live in pittsburgh again. i am not adjusting well. i dont do long distance well....

something i learned in life

if the general consensus of you is negative then 9 times of 10 they're right. if the people who can say something nice about are are few and far between, there's a problem. if you died today what would they say at your eulogy? you might not care because you'll be "dead and gone" but think about what they would say if you could hear them? hard worker doesnt cut it. hitler was a hard worker, he worked very hard to get where he was and he was a brilliant orator. what would people say about me when i wasnt around. everyone would say i am nice and giving and do everything i can to make people happy. what about you? just something i was pondering in my restless night due to the fact that people may have an unfavorable opinion about me but i could care less about that if you do unfavorable things on a daily basis. i live each day the best way i can and to please as many people as possible. if i die... that would be said.

hell... why not? they're just niggers anyway

unless these patients asked to be euthanized they should have been allowed to choose if they wanted to live. i mean.... whatever. i need to quit complaining and start a revolution. if you prayed for mercy BEFORE you did the act then YOU KNEW it was wrong and YOU WOULDNT HAVE DONE IT.


Patients put down

September 12, 2005

DOCTORS working in hurricane-ravaged New Orleans killed critically ill patients rather than leave them to die in agony as they evacuated.

With gangs of rapists and looters rampaging through wards in the flooded city, senior doctors took the harrowing decision to give massive overdoses of morphine to those they believed could not make it out alive.

One New Orleans doctor told how she "prayed for God to have mercy on her soul" after she ignored every tenet of medical ethics and ended the lives of patients she had earlier fought to save.

Her heart-rending account has been corroborated by a hospital orderly and by local government officials.

One emergency official, William Forest McQueen, said: "Those who had no chance of making it were given a lot of morphine and lain down in a dark place to die."

Euthanasia is illegal in Louisiana and the doctors spoke only on condition on anonymity.

Their families believe their confessions are an indictment of the appalling failure of US authorities to help those in desperate need after Hurricane Katrina flooded the city, claiming thousands of lives and making 500,000 homeless.

"I didn't know if I was doing the right thing," the doctor said.

"But I did not have time. I had to make snap decisions, under the most appalling circumstances, and I did what I thought was right.

"I injected morphine into those patients who were dying and in agony.

"If the first dose was not enough, I gave a double dose.

"And at night I prayed to God to have mercy on my soul."

The doctor, who finally fled her hospital late last week in fear of being murdered by the armed looters, denied her actions were murder.

"This was not murder, this was compassion. They would have been dead within hours, if not days," she said.

"What we did was give comfort to the end. I had cancer patients who were in agony. In some cases the drugs may have speeded up the death process.

"We divided the hospital's patients into three categories: Those who were traumatised but medically fit enough to survive, those who needed urgent care, and the dying.

"People would find it impossible to understand the situation.

"I had to make life-or-death decisions in a split second.

"It came down to giving people the basic human right to die with dignity.

"There were patients with 'do not resuscitate' signs. Under normal circumstances some could have lasted several days. But when the power went out, we had nothing.

"Some of the very sick became distressed. We tried to make them as comfortable as possible.

"The pharmacy was under lockdown because gangs of armed looters were roaming around looking for their fix.

"You have to understand these people were going to die anyway."

Mr McQueen, a utility manager for the town of Abita Springs, half an hour north of New Orleans, told relatives that patients had been "put down", saying: "They injected them, but nurses stayed with them until they died."

Mr McQueen, who worked closely with emergency teams, added: "They had to make unbearable decisions."

A Gift to Virgo

happy birthday to my special twin. i had to give you a blog shout out to cheer you up!!!! the silver birthday is going to be great even if i gotta make it great for you all by myself! no more venting blogs okay?

astro compatability

This aspect often produces an interesting and unusual friendship. It favors the mutual appreciation of art, music, science or other subjects and often produces romantic attractions. You were likely to meet through friends or group activities. In romantic or marital relationships there is a strong sexual, as well as a strong intellectual attraction.

This is a good aspect sparking a very interesting and creative friendship. You seem to be able to help each other come up with original ideas that make sense. This is a good combination for individuals involved in writing, the communication media, advertising, and scientific work of all kinds. Your minds seem to click well together.

This comparative combination indicates strong, dramatic romantic and sexual attraction. You stimulate each other's sense of romance and excitement. There is often a mutual interest in the same things, often offbeat or unusual things.

This comparative combination indicates compatible ideas in the area of social activities and cultural pursuits. There is mutual understanding and a gentleness in communication. You are apt to enjoy mutual friends. In romantic and marital relationships, you are able to communicate feelings and emotional reactions, thus resolving most difficulties that occur. You make excellent traveling companions.





i did this in boredom but its so darn interesting...

from the mind of a die hard bush clit flea

i always love to hear what they are thinking even when mr. president is undeniably wrong. someone sent me this link and it was quite interesting.

people blog just about anything now.

quarter life crisis

i stole this term from my friend. anyway i am approaching 25. i mean for real it's next year. i make a remark about it to kriss and his response was "and?" (he says he wasnt being rude but then followed it up with another comment that let me know that he thought i was being foolish. you win some and you lose some). i figured out that if at the age of 23 you're doing better than the average person at this age and have accomplished all your goals then 25 wont affect you. half of people my age aren't at that point though so the reaction i got from kriss definitly isnt the typical one. other folks approaching 25 can feel my pain. my friend is turning 25 and his thoughtful agony over that fact triggered a little anxiety of my own. just like he isnt where he wants to be i am not either. i feel like the walls are closing in and this whole hurricane mess is making it worse. i havent touched a book all weekend because i have to tend to my family's buisiness while my dad is out of town. my brothers are completely dependant on their momma and i gotta fill that role this weekend while she is in louisiana. i barely get a chance to wipe my ass and then i gotta go run and do more shit for them. its rough and on top of that i have to go visit with my great aunt who is in pittsburgh, a katrina survivor as wel, in literally 5 minutesl. she doesnt want to be here and i dont blame her. all this at the tender age of 23 (nearly 24). maybe i'm getting the quarter life crisis out my system now so when i am actually 3 months away from 25 i wont go through it again.

Ineffectual

Weak….
I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you do to me
It's a feeling that I want to stay

Now my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of loving you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the problem here is you

I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase; I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet; it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak

Time after time after time I tried to fight it
But your love is strong
It keeps me holding' on
Resistance is down when you're around my baby
In my condition, I don't want to be alone

Now my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of loving you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the problem here is you

I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak
I lose all control
It's something comes over me
In a daze, it is so amazing
It's not a phase; I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet; it knocks me right off my feet
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak

I get so weak
Blood starts racing through my veins (I get so weak)
Ooh, it's something I can't explain (I get so weak)
Something about the way you do
The things you do...
Knocks me right (off my feet)
Can't explain why your love just makes me weak

I try hard to fight it
No way can I deny it
You're love is so sweet
Knocks me right off my feet

I get so weak
Blood starts racing through my veins I got so weak
Boy, it's something that I can't explain I get so weak
Something 'bout the way you do the things you're doing
Knocks me right off my feet (off my feet)
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak

contemplations of a weary mind

i just got off work. i am sitting here. in one hour my mother embarks on a voyage to pick up her family. its so sad. i am thinking of all the things i will never see again. i am also wanting to talk to someone. my maryland alpha aint online because he broke his lappy. i want to talk to him right now. he's such a great person. did i ever mention that? i had a moment of weakness with him last night and let my feelings show. i regret it and i wish he were on so i could tell him i'm sorry.
i am also thinking about other situations. my friend is dealing with this guy. she really has liked him for a while and now she kind of had him but only half way. they gotta be secretive even though they have so much in common and spend so much time together. she was telling me that she wants to see him all the time and she needs to keep her distance because she feels like she could fall so easily. aren't feelings a crazy thing? they never burn for the "right" folks. i hope it all works out for my friend. she really likes him but she has no clue how he feels. see, i think the fact that he and my friend have so much in common makes him uneasy. from my observations i think he is uncomfortable with getting comfortable and that comfortability is actually uncomfortable. men are weird.
i am contemplating why i am alone. i have a lot of love inside that i need to share. i am tired of being a man hater. i am tired of being bitter but the right person refuses to come along. i want someone to shower with kindness and to hold my hand and when times get rough to hug me and say it will be okay. when i am hurting i want to be able to call them and cry and they say all the right things. god made things this way for a reason though so i need to suck it up and wait it out. i am really lonely right now and the thing i want most i cant have.
late night contemplations are the worse.... think tank maybe you're up and are looking outside. i am too. maybe we're seeing the same sky!


eta: i am SOOOOOOOOOOO extra at times. blame it on my weariness. damn. i might take this down. LOL

I *HEART* KRISS

http://damnitwtf.blogspot.com/2005/09/why-i-hate-greeks.html
start an anti-angel society dear. lol.

it's real in nigeria

yeah those are hyenas....

did i ever mention i love nigerian men? yeah, beautiful to look at. apparently never to be dated. so i never tried.

Kristalnacht: 2005

the night of broken glass. sybolizing the trust start of the massive horrors of the jewish holocaust. now if you have read my previous entries you know that i feel black people get the short end of the stick. many blacks were murdered during the holocaust and never are noted along with the gypsies, mental and physically disabled and occasionally the homosexuals. kristalnacht is defined as an expansive pogrom. defined: A pogrom (from Russian: "погром", meaning "wreaking of havoc") is a massive violent attack on a particular group; ethnic, religious or other, with simultaneous destruction of their environment (homes, businesses, religious centers). The term has historically been used to denote massive acts of violence, either spontaneous or premeditated, against Jews, but has been applied to similar incidents against other, mostly minority, groups.


how does this relate to 2005? hundreds of thousands of minorities, predominantly black are displaced from their homes. many lives are lost after a purposely and deliberate lack of action by our government. now they are being forced to live in CAMPS with a green armband with ALL THEIR INFO on it. they are being RATIONED food and now being allowed to cook. all this after these people have lost everything. new orleans will be rebuilt but these people wont be able to live there. it will be a gentrified new orleans with no space for black WHEN IT WAS OUR BLOOD, OUR STRENGTH, OUR CREATIVITY that made that city what is was. no blacks? no jazz. no blacks? no traditional new orleans dishes. no blacks? no slaves build new orleans to what it is. those who refuse to know the past are destined to relive it. let this serve as a reminder to all those who thought the days of segregation, racism and hate crimes were over: it's not, it just found a disguise. to all you black people who voted that COWARD bush in because he appealed to your insecurities: look what you've done. we cannot make a change without uniting ourselves. the black community is becoming more and more split. they are putting our people into camps, more projects and giving them the bare minimum. i hope you dont think the white survivors are given this treatment to. hell no... they're not. they are being given the best of supplies. and then on top of all this they want to call the survivors REFUGEES as though we weren't a part of this contry to begin with. this is worse than september 11, 2001. this was august 29, 2005 and we need to wake up. let these bastards know how you feel: write a letter and use your fucking vote next election. get these people out who take our rights. you do know they can just seize your property if they want right? oh yea... that's a new bill they passed. look that mess up.

God Bless You

I have allergies.... big time. I need to get on medicine yada, yada but insurance aint playing. they figure everyone can use clairitin or allegra and it will be okay. hell no i need some zyrtec but since its most expensive they dont want to give it to me. my daddy got me a new PPO so i'll be at an allergist soon enough. however, until then i am forced to have sneezing spells in public. since when did acne and allergies just become assumed to be treated? i got acne right now because i was tired of taking birth control just to keep it away (i wasnt having sex when i took them) and i didnt want to get on that crazy accutane. when i sneeze or have a bump people want to ask "WHY DONT YOU GET IT TREATED"? fuck you.... pay me or else its not getting treated. stupid hmo said my skin wasnt bad enough to get a referal to a dermatologist. anyway. people have these attitudes that allergies have gone the way of chichen pox, measles, mumps and menstrual cyles: "there's medicine for that. we dont have those in the united states".whatever man. so i have sneezing spells, why does everyone feel the need to say "God bless you"? you're not really saying it to bless me and you think i am going to thank you after you've said it 20 times for every one of my 20 sneezes? i'm a bitch and i'll let it show because i've just pulled a muscle in my neck from sneezing and i dont feel like exerting the energy to say "thank you" just because you foolishly threw a "blessing" my way. one "bless you" is cool but to say it after every sneeze is annoying.

i have hit bloggers block again. i am so preoccupied with other things. i'm caught in dreamy stage again. wanting things i cant have and whatnot..... i hate being like this.

THIS BLOG IS SOOOOOOOO ON POINT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://random-sense.blogspot.com/

never no more

the answer is: no never again
if its so much that you never had before then why dont you want it all the time? i cant make you choose. i could never ask you to. i cant make you want what i want. i felt twinges of feeling. when i felt it i panicked. i am sorry. this cant happen... never no more. i cant lose control.

wishes

i wish for you to see me for what i am and what i can be.
i wish you could see what i want to do for you
i wish i could make you change your mind.
i wish i could make what you feel go away.
i wish i could make my desire to make these wishes disappear.
i wish you would like me real hard.
like me real hard
just like me real hard
so much has happened in 4 weeks.... i want august back. i would do things so differently... it wouldnt have gotten to this point. dont you want the simplicity back like i do?

if you never know.. just what you mean...

you were my first love



my first love. he's 6'3'', thick, bright with freckles and auburn hair (his beard is straight up red). he keeps his face clean, his hair lined up. bright red lips. medium brown eyes with freckles on his eyelids. both ears pierced. favorite color black. he was stylish enough to pick out my outfits and when he was feeling nice he would pick me up a MAC lipglass. he's exactly 366 days older than me. he was my first real love.

we aren't together now for a reason. those three years were tumultuous. it all ended for sure december 2004, 3 days before christmas. we had an altercation. i'll leave it a t that. i figured after that it would be the end right? wrong. he's going through something now and last night we were texting back and forth. he tells me that what he's going through now made him miss me because we always stuck by each other. i am sorry he feels this way. i always told him the beautiful girls would leave him feeling like something is missing. sadly i have a soft spot for him. i try and vilanize him when i tell folks about him but the truth is he wasnt that bad. i mean, he did hurt me so deeply at one point i didnt eat for a week but he just did what i allowed him to do. dont get me wrong, i dont want him back but dealing with these other guys has made me realize a lot. for one, we could always have something to talk about. for two, he never tried to make me a jumpoff. third he was generous. i am a generous girl and i will straight shower my bf with gifts because thats what i like to do and he would do the same for me (this is before he had money too. when he got money he became stingy although every now and then he still handed me a little wad of money).

its funny what first loves can do. time to move on though. i cant seem to make a relationship even get off the ground. i'm either second choice, someone to be embarassed of, live too far, dont have anything in common or something else.


if you never know just what you mean
You are my first love
If you never know
You're everything
You are my first love

Tell me how a thing that brings such joy can bring such pain
And how could something so wrong seem so right
We never had the chance to make it get better
We never said goodbye, no
I never wanna feel the pain of losing love again
Cuz love just has a way of breaking down
Next time I'm gonna pray that things will be better
The second time around
So here's to love that's lost and found

ASS!

men can be so damn attitudinal. negro you got a smart assed mouth and so do i. dont get mad because you want to know something. i didnt tell anyone what you think i told so dont get your panties in a bunch. a chick cant even play around with someone.

What the world thinks of us

we're pure idiots in their eyes. i dont blame them.

China's Renmin Wang:
If the US could shift part of its astronomical military spending to counter-terrorism, guarding against natural disasters, epidemic disease control and other aspects, then the 9/11 attack, Hurricane Katrina, the spread of Aids and other tragedies could be avoided or mitigated.

Malaysia's Berita Harian:
When the tsunami hit Asia last December, Bush succeeded in showing off his abilities by offering appropriate and well-organised humanitarian aid, but it seems he has been unresponsive, disorganised and discriminatory in dealing with the Katrina disaster.

Indonesia's Suara Merdeka:
People may hate the selfish US stance. They may also condemn its military invasion of Iraq or criticise Washington's threats to Iran, Syria and North Korea. But, it is inhuman to be grateful for the American people's disaster. Indonesia, in particular, must not forget the services of the US military when the tsunami devastated Aceh.

Singapore's The Straits Times:
The dead are only beginning to be gathered up. In Aceh and Thailand's beach resorts, those killed by the tsunami last December received the due respect of swift recovery, followed by identification. New Orleans people will not let Mr Bush forget this.

Australia's The Age:
President Bush is increasingly seen as out of touch with ordinary people and with reality on the ground - in New Orleans and Iraq - and also on issues such as climate change. The president and, by association, Republicans are highly vulnerable for the first time in years. How the Administration responds has broader implications, too - a deeply unpopular, lame duck president could alter the balance of global leadership.

Afghanistan's Eslah:
President Karzai has pledged 100,000 dollars for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. America has helped Afghanistan in various ways. Even if the assistance promised to the victims of Hurricane Katrina seems a symbolic act, it nevertheless shows that our country has credibility and authority in the international community.

Nahum Barnea in Israel's Yediot Aharonot:
Just as 11 September 2001 changed the American agenda from internal matters to foreign policy and the war on terror, so Katrina is liable to take America back to its internal agenda: dealing with the environment, society, and the gaps between whites and blacks and between rich and poor.

Adli Sadiq in the Palestinian Al-Hayat al-Jadidah:
After Hurricane Katrina, a new section of the American public is waking up to the wretchedness of the administration's policies and to the disasters that have hit Americans as a result. Today's Iraq is worse than yesterday's, and there are not enough helicopters to tackle the hurricane. Bush and his administration will be judged by history.

Iran's Resalat:
Katrina was a natural catastrophe, but many experts believe America's policies have deepened the roots of the disaster. America had allocated the budgets for these areas to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Nick Reimer in Germany's die tageszeitung:
New Orleans has already become a symbol: never before in human history has a natural disaster been predicted in such exact detail. Despite this, the prediction had no effect. It's as if mankind has lost the power to correct its own mistakes: In New Orleans, it slid into catastrophe submissively and with eyes wide open. Climate change has already arrived.

Russia's Komsomolskaya Pravda:
[Russian] Emergencies Ministry planes have been under starter's orders for several days. But the go-ahead from the other side of the ocean never came. It leads you to think: Is Washington afraid of having US citizens rescued by people who are not flying the stars and stripes? Are they trying to preserve the prestige of a state that does not take easily to accepting aid from a "third-world" country? But isn't the saving of human life more important than PR or ideological considerations?

South Africa's Star:
The death and destruction wrought by Hurricane Katrina also revealed the racial fissures in American society. Most of the hapless survivors who filled New Orleans' Superdome were black. Bush's other weaknesses are his poor environment record and his management of the US economy.

Zimbabwe's Herald:
The fact that New Orleans is a southern town predominantly populated by African-Americans explains why President George W. Bush did not see the need to cut short his holiday. All that Bush has done so far is to issue threats against the victims, and deploying trigger-happy American troops - fresh from abusing Iraqi prisoners - to go and "restore order".

dumb, dumber, dumbest..

gotta love the bush family. i swear they need to be HANDLED in the worst way possible. yeah i WOULD say it but this country dont have no damn free speech and i know they monitor blogs. so FUCK EM. anyway... here's the lovely former first lady's quote from a press conference last night:


"And so many of the people in the arena here, you
know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she
chuckles slightly) is working very well for them."


BITCH. she finds it scary they want to stay in houston.

hear it yourself

why are zaterain's commericials making me sad? damn. i didnt realize how attached to that city i was. it was for real my little getaway. i am sorry but dayton will never be that to me.

remembering new orleans

these are videos from my day on the st. charles carrolton streetcar line. one video is a man who decided to preach at us on canal street while waiting for the streetcar. these are from the first week in august 2005. one is a view from the riverwalk.

Click here to watch 'video 1'
Click here to watch 'video 2'
Click here to watch 'video 3'
Click here to watch 'video 4'
Click here to watch 'St-Charles-Carrolton-Line-1'
Click here to watch 'St-Charles-Carrolton-Line-2'


Upload Video and Images - Putfile

if

i was introduced to a small word with a lot of meaning. its amazing how a small word summarizes my feelings about a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" situation i am in. everything is purely conditional and dependant on other things.... things that are not going my way. damn it, my every instinct is telling me to "stop" but it all feels really good. its a case of i wanted something so badly and i got it, only half way and on top of that i know i'll never get it fully. i need to step away from the situation because it's getting bad. unbeknownst to any observers or involved parties. i am good at putting on fronts that i dont care. in actuality i care so much... way more than i should. to the point that the things request are only requested with the goal of temporary feeling like i have what i want. it cant ever be. why? because the conditions are all pointing in the way that i wont get it. i saw things through rose colored and clouded glasses and when i finally asked... i knew the conditions were all wrong. if i step away... will i regret it?

pamper me dammit

this post was triggered by a conversation.

him: yo you was looking extra good the other night.
me: thank you. i try
him: nah, for real you was.
me: it doesnt help me. i'm still single.
him: only because you want to be.

self admittedly i have man issues. i have had very very few interactions with men. lately i have been getting more attention but i think that will wear off soon enough. i'm 23 and have never even received flowers. i always tell folks the way to my heart is by doing things that require thought. dont buy me a card, write me a note (i love letters and only one guy thus far as figure that out). dont send me red roses... send me my favorite flower: altromeria/peruvian lily (thus far only one man has remembered this). i dont ask a lot but darn it PAMPER ME. i guess beggers cant be choosers because thus far i gotta find a male friend who:
a. lives close enough to me
b. has time to see me occasionally
c. isnt trying to make me a jumpoff
d. is willing to admit they are feeling me
e. is honest

so for now i'll settle on the single life. and guys.... dont assume that because i am cute that i got a man. that couldnt be farther from the truth.

SUPPORT KATRINA VICTIMS: http://www.cafepress.com/PostKatrinaAid


best beleive i'll be sporting the "I heart Nawlins" one in pink.

shout out to the random sense blog for making more sense than most others in this time of tragedy. the below entry is stolen from her blog.

stolen from a blog to give to you: DONATE!!

VH1 , MTV and BET will have telethon on Sept 9 and 10th
NFL to donate $1 million
Warrick Dunn (ATL Falcons & Louisiana Native)
Wynton Marsalis (Legendary Jazz Musician & New Orleans Native)
NBA and WNBA Players, Teams Aid Relief
Wynton Marsalis, Usher, John Mellencamp and Green Day to participate in telethon
Master P & Team Rescue One
Morgan Freeman
Jay Z & Diddy to donated $1 million
Serena Williams to donate $100 for every ace served
Juvenille & Master P team up with Urban League

VH1 , MTV and BET will have telethon on Sept 9 and 10th
NFL to donate $1 million
Warrick Dunn (ATL Falcons & Louisiana Native)
Wynton Marsalis (Legendary Jazz Musician & New Orleans Native)
NBA and WNBA Players, Teams Aid Relief
Wynton Marsalis, Usher, John Mellencamp and Green Day to participate in telethon
Master P & Team Rescue One
Morgan Freeman

Leah get it right...

God is showing me how much he delivered me from this week. First the hurricane, then my old friend's situation now this. I was on the bus this morning and i notice this little guy waving me down. i look and it's my first real boyfriend. my first EVERYTHING. i look at him like 'OH MY GOD'. he gives me a hug like he's genuinely glad to see me. he's telling me he's on his way to work. i look at his shirt: he works at the cheapy cell phone place Cricket Communications in Oakland. So we're chatting about that because he said he knew he's eventually see me because he figured i was in school. Right he was. I got my life right after him. we went through a LOT. things no one knows really. i almost messed up bad. i ask him how long he's been working there and me nonchalantly says "oh i been out for a year and..." that's all i hear. i say "OUT FROM WHERE???" he was in jail, two years: possesion of a controlled substance. see last i heard from him he was struggling to sell a couple little rocks but apparently before he got busted he was a big baller i guess. for me to be so goody goody i sure have dated some law breaking folks. this negro then proceeds to tell me that he has another open case for gun possesion. i am looking at him and really see where he was taking me and i am so glad my mother LITERALLY beat my ass to make me stop seeing him. he says he always looks at me when he goes to him mom's because they have my pictures on the mantle. he tells me how lucky i am that i am about to graduate from a 4 year university and i am looking at grad schools now. he gave me his number but i dont know if i will ever call. just because you're my first everything doesnt mean you can drag me into that gutter life style. i cannot beleive how i really was on track to make some bad decisions.

all i can think of is how the alpha/maryland/kriss is everything i ever wanted and how different he is from everyone else. i know we cant be more than what we are but he has really shown me i can up my standards because someone of quality can have an interest in me. between him consoling me this week, checking on me, caring about my family, doing so much for me this summer (like driving 7 hours to bring me to cedar point only to ride 3 rides and wait in 3 hour lines with a bad ankle) i truly realize he is a very very very special person. God sent him into my life for a reason and i am glad he has taught me so much in such a short time. he's always so modest but he's one of the best people i met EVEN IF he put my shit on front street in his blog several times (LOL). i did the same. kriss i love you, you are a great friend thank you so much for being there for me.

okay i gotta go to class. i'll update you on my family and make a special entry for my LS later. (spring tide and hot tamale i love you all soooooooo much. this bond could not have been forced, helped or created.)

especially for you bible thumpers out there: a message from michael moorer

lol. i wonder what people (like my mom) think of their precious bush now.

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore

our government is failing before our eyes...

A Picture Share!

People like this kill me. Her look screams of prejudgement. So snotty.