contemplations of a weary mind

i just got off work. i am sitting here. in one hour my mother embarks on a voyage to pick up her family. its so sad. i am thinking of all the things i will never see again. i am also wanting to talk to someone. my maryland alpha aint online because he broke his lappy. i want to talk to him right now. he's such a great person. did i ever mention that? i had a moment of weakness with him last night and let my feelings show. i regret it and i wish he were on so i could tell him i'm sorry.
i am also thinking about other situations. my friend is dealing with this guy. she really has liked him for a while and now she kind of had him but only half way. they gotta be secretive even though they have so much in common and spend so much time together. she was telling me that she wants to see him all the time and she needs to keep her distance because she feels like she could fall so easily. aren't feelings a crazy thing? they never burn for the "right" folks. i hope it all works out for my friend. she really likes him but she has no clue how he feels. see, i think the fact that he and my friend have so much in common makes him uneasy. from my observations i think he is uncomfortable with getting comfortable and that comfortability is actually uncomfortable. men are weird.
i am contemplating why i am alone. i have a lot of love inside that i need to share. i am tired of being a man hater. i am tired of being bitter but the right person refuses to come along. i want someone to shower with kindness and to hold my hand and when times get rough to hug me and say it will be okay. when i am hurting i want to be able to call them and cry and they say all the right things. god made things this way for a reason though so i need to suck it up and wait it out. i am really lonely right now and the thing i want most i cant have.
late night contemplations are the worse.... think tank maybe you're up and are looking outside. i am too. maybe we're seeing the same sky!


eta: i am SOOOOOOOOOOO extra at times. blame it on my weariness. damn. i might take this down. LOL