fluctuations

you my homie.
i told you that today.
i dont get all "prettied up" when i visit you and we just chill.
whatever games we play make me feel nothing.
its so empty.
i'm glad the feeling went away.
so how come that warm chestnut draws me in?
how come i hang on your every word?
how can i have so much fun with you and feel nothing and something all at the same time?
this is the craziest thing ever.
i'm content with my friendship, want nothing more...
but it feels like more.

my mind if fluctuating. i'm still happy. i have no other desires. i'm happy. so why do i feel so WEIRD??

i miss my fingernail.

eta: why are feelings so expendable to me. it makes me sad that i only care if i want to care. does that mean i'm heartless?