wisdom: 6.23.1959

yesterday i called my dad. i was upset and i knew he was the only one could relate. my daddy made it to a place not many could make. he was born the youngest of four and therefore the most envied. the last boy to a doting mother (who died when he was 14). my father is a senior software engineer with no degree. almost always self employed since graduating high school, a hard worker and self taught. he's also cut throat. he says what he wants, says what he feels and needs to say. he doesnt care about hurt feelings. why? because often times common sense hurts, the truth hurts and people dont want to hear it.

i called my dad angry. he yells "WOULD YOU SHUT UP??? YOU SHOULD HEAR YOURSELF" he then proceeds to tell me that basically i have become too womanly. women deal in emotions. one thing i have always prided myself on is my ability to seperate myself from situations so i wouldnt get caught up in emotions. i can fake feelings, to get my way (i never admitted it to myself until now) but more often than not i dont feel anything. if you make me feel something you mean something. he told me to stop being emotional... show no emotion. it's such common sense but i lost sight of it. so again, i hereby reaffirm my vow to not give a damn. to say EXACTLY how i feel and not hide behind the guise of protecting other folk's feelings. i dont care anymore. it's all about Leah and that's how i need to be. in the words of my old friend: "here's to reaching supreme asshole status" because frankly... that's what you gotta be to make a damn point.