back at square one

so i am single once again. damn did i break a record? lol. sometimes everything can be right but one thing can be large enough to screw things up. in this case it was distance. sadly i dont think things can ever be repaired in this situation. as badly as i want it i doubt he does because i showed my little ass. dont get me wrong he showed his too but i can see why he felt pushed into a corner. our wavelengths missed one another and we just didnt vibe about signals. which is fine because we still are friendly. like i told him before. we could have been great. the distance wouldnt have been so bad if we BOTH werent doing greek shit. BOTH trying to deal with school issues and BOTH carrying heavy loads. we're both busy, which we should have seen coming. i once asked him why greeks tend to date greeks and he told me it was probably because greeks tend to have similar interests and drive. so at the age of 23 we are both trying to get some roots planted for adult life. i know if we had met at say 25 and we both were single things could have been beautiful. but i cant make excuses and he doesnt beleive in second chances so all i can do is be satisfied with the memories of how great the summer was. i know i lost him though because he most definitly is a prize and he'll go off the market about as fast as a townhouse in a high demand area.
so where does that leave me. single and not on the market although i have been getting quite a few offers. let me say something here. i know i am fly and i have a gorgeous mind to go with these gorgeous eyes and these gorgeous lips and these beautifully thick thighs and honey dipped golden skin but let's keep it on a "look but dont touch" basis. my heart right now is definitly somewhere else and i am not trying to get something else started when i plan on moving by summer 2006. i have saved a lot of money this summer and by may i should have a nice little nest egg with which i can pretty much open many options to myself. money in the bank allows me to move right off the bat because i have stuff to pay rent somewhere for a month or two. so i am setting myself up right. i am studying for GREs and trying to get up out of pittsburgh. i keep speaking it. i know i will make it happen. i am so inspired. this place is a black hole. i need to make life right. i am back at square one. back to where i need to be. it has taken me 4 years to get back here, physically, mentally and emotionally. life is great. it was so much better when i had my little secret though. he was my safe haven. i am about to get a car and i know if the going ever got super rough he'd let me drive down just for a hug. lol. cant do that anymore but hey. i did it to myself. i'll find that again.... i hope thats not just wishful thinking. if you caught my vertigo post before i hid it you'd know what i really want.